‘LA-FAKUDZE’ MUST STOP THE ABUSE!

I received an overwhelming response to last week’s article ‘Spare a thought for today’s Mothers-in-law’ and would like to share some of the comments.
Phindile Dlamini said; “Isabella I don’t understand boMakoti of today; they want all the benefits of being wives with none of the responsibilities.

  My sister-in-law LaFakudze is ill-treating my mother and my brothers and sisters children who are living at the family homestead. My mother is like a prisoner in her own home. She is old and suffers from arthritis but she is not an invalid she is quite capable of making herself a cup of tea or a sandwich when she is feeling hungry outside of normal meal times. It hurts me to see a once energetic active and fun woman a shell of her former self. She now has to adhere to my sister-in-law’s rules, she is not allowed to wash and bath or eat as she pleases in her own house that my father built.

Can you imagine? She is given a bar of soap that has been cut into small cubes and a few pieces of toilet paper to use not the full roll. LaFakudze forcefully takes the money we give our mother for support. As if that wasn’t enough she has taken her abuse of my mother to a whole new level as I was beyond shocked recently when my 12 year-old- niece told me that LaFakudze had called my mother to the sitting room and told her, ”Your husband is now dead. I am the new Mrs Dlamini of this homestead and if you would like us to live in harmony you will do what I say at all times. From now on the pantry keys will be kept by me. I am the only one who will access the food and switch on the TV and the light.”

My mother said when she asked her what they will do for food as she frequently goes to town she said “You will have to wait for me to get back; it’s my husband after all who buys the food now and who looks after this house so you and your greedy grandchildren will eat when and if I say you can. You should also let your useless daughters know that during school holidays they should collect their fatherless children. I am sick and tired of looking after their children. They even finish the food and their time is over. It is now my time.”

 “Has she forgotten that her husband is my mother’s son or that those children she hates are his nieces and nephews? I have also heard from neighbours that on her town visits she is always dropped off by unknown men. She is just a problem. I do not know how many times she has quarrelled with our neighbours and other people in the community.
“When I asked my mother why she hadn’t told me this, she said, “My child, you no longer live here, things have changed. Where will you be when LaFakudze hits the children and doesn’t give us food?” In fact my mother begged me not to say anything to her or to my brother as she didn’t want to worsen the situation as she is scared that LaFakudze will hit back at the children.

LaFakudze also has a habit of saying to my nieces and nephews as young as five that they must leave the homestead and go to their fathers’ homes as this isn’t their home. Can you imagine that? I have told my brothers and sisters and when we go home during the Easter Holidays her husband will be home and we will have a family meeting to address this matter once and for all and if she isn’t prepared to change her attitude maybe the best thing is for her to go and live with her husband. Perhaps he can cope with her because we can’t? She’s hardly been married for two years and already she has sown so much discord in the family and the community in general. We are tired of labo LaFakudze tormenting our parents.”

Ngubani ozo thum’omunye?

I  would like to share a story from a young lady about the arrival of their new Makoti and what happened. She said: “Isabella my mother has four sisters and one brother, my uncle Mandla, who is the oldest. My mother and aunts were all married and had children of their own. In fact I am the youngest of all the children and at 20 it was clear that a makoti was long overdue and we were all extremely happy that my uncle had finally settled down and gotten married. As we had not seen the bride we were all so anxious to meet her and the big day arrived and we were all seated in my grandmother’s rondavel when the bride arrived with my uncle and a few members of her family. She walked in, all tall and regal in her beautiful white wedding dress and when she was being introduced to my grandmother she removed her veil and my grandmother burst into tears and shouted at the top of her voice “Ngubani ozo thumomunye ngoba siguge sobabili”? Translated this means” Who is going to send the other one between us because we are both old women?

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