TOUCHING PEOPLE WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT IS WRONG!

I am always blathering on how wicked it is to touch someone, especially a male stranger touching a female even if it is non-sexual.

One reason I am coming up with this article is that on several occasions I have observed things like: (taking into consideration gender issues) Women being touched by males all the time when they go out to places of fun like nightclubs, shopping malls, parties, some social events and so forth without their consent or touch from their rightful partners. The second reason is that as a woman in general I have witnessed it all my life. Be calm, women are not only victims of this.

On a common reminder, people touch for different reasons. A grown up may touch a child, a woman may touch a friend, a relative may touch a family member, a partner may touch his spouse etc. In other words touching may come as an innocent substance and also as a sexual concern. A touch from a spouse may be considered normal even if seen as a sexual gesture. However, a ‘normal touch’ may not be appropriate if done with no consent by a stranger especially to a different gender. My squabble is that, if it makes you feel uncomfortable and scary it is out of the equation then do it, regardless of any given circumstance or situation or reason.

There are plenty of reasons why I am not being a enthusiast of being touched by someone especially a stranger. As a social worker I acknowledge that there are some persons who have been touched by relatives irrespective of their sexual orientation, and ended up being sexually molested by them. Some blameless people out there do not know that as you touch someone you may trigger some unwelcome emotions and feelings of deep seated or past trauma. Occasionally, because someone does not know you or your sexual orientation, they will find it rigid to deduce whether it is a friendly gesture or an expression of physical affection, harassment or assault on them? Please, be warned we just want to be left alone; it is very scary for us.

Anyhow, what I had in mind today is not only to create awareness that some of this non-consensual touching by well-meaning individuals leaves a room for actual predators to use. It is obviously not just restricted to dance floors – sadly groping is happening so much on the transport arena that there is now a reason to dedicate police initiative to it? I see it a lot in some of our buses and bus stations where transport operators compete for passengers. Whether you call it groping or touching, it will depend on your evaluation. However, I have shamelessly observed that such an offensive deed also depends on how one responds to this undesirable act. I personally find it embarrassing to be groped at by a male with an ‘intention’ of getting me to board his public transport! Who can relate to this?

The author concedes that sometimes women can just bat it off themselves, as I have done many a time. But it is usually safer, if the scene is properly staffed with a lot of security/authority people to tell someone about what has happened – no matter how low-level the groping has been – just in case the person summersaults. Yes, I have witnessed verbal abuse hurled at a female who responds negatively to a male’s touch and the embarrassed and scared looks on faces of proximate people, who unfortunately say nothing due to protecting themselves. In our societies, there is still more to be achieved, especially in terms of culture. Down with mind-sets of thinking you own someone else’s body.
What we really need to do is get through to all people especially men that this is not socially acceptable behaviour. I recommend campaigns involving male ambassadors for initiatives that can stop this illness. Ultimately more than anything, we need men to change their actions so women don’t have to think about their response to unwanted touching in any given space at any given time with any given person.

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