KILLERS OF RELATIONSHIPS

RELATIONSHIPS are valuable bridges to significant success in life. In life anything valuable is costly and must therefore be jealousy guarded.

To guard is to protect from danger, to secure against surprise attacks or injury, and to protect by attending to. Relationships are key to purposeful significant and successful living. Real success can only be measured and defined in the context of relationships. Therefore we must all value relationships. Since relationships are important, we all must be aware of the enemies or killers of relationships. Value is defined as the quality that renders something desirable, valuable or useful.

Effective relationships are priceless, precious and even beyond value.  An enemy is that which is hostile to the progress of another or that which attempts to cause injury or death to another. There are many adversaries of relationships. One of the subtle enemies of effective relationships is negative or distorted perspective. Many of us are conditioned from childhood to view life, others and situations from the negative.

Our ability to positively relate with others usually begins in the depths of our hearts and minds. Whatever occupies your thought life will also inevitably give definition to how you view life, others and make decisions. The quality of our thought life will ultimately impact on how we speak and behave in relationships. Perspective is the mental view or outlook. In order to build positive or effective relationships we must cultivate and develop the ability to perceive things in their actual interrelations or comparative importance. Usually in relationships problems arise when we differ in the way we perceive or regard situations, or facts and how we judge their relative importance.

We must be willing and humble enough to value other’s opinions. We must teach ourselves to look at the differences in opinion with understanding, and realise that no one is better than the other, but that all should equally contribute in any given relationship. 
Effective relationships require that we all work on our thinking and perspective, because our perspective has the potential of colouring our understanding of the differences, and ultimately govern the way we respond to each other.

The other serious enemy of relationships is stubbornness.  Stubbornness is the refusal to change one’s mind or cause of action even when the facts or pressure to do so is stated clearly. Stubbornness is always characterised by a refusal to change, unreasonably or perversely obstinate and unyielding.

Stubborn people are usually resistant to sound advice, self willed and not flexible in their approach to life in general. Effective relationships usually require that we be flexible, pliable and amenable.
To be stubborn is to lack wisdom. As a matter of fact, stubbornness leads to a lifestyle of dishonor and rebellion. Dishonor is one of the key enemies of good relationships. To dishonor is to treat someone in a disrespectful or demeaning manner, by thought, word or actions. Dishonorable people usually bring shame and disgrace to relationships. Effective relationships require that we be honorable in our interactions with others. When we betray, gossip, and unfairly criticise others, we are been dishonorable. We all must learn the habit of being honourable. Respect is one of the missing ingredients in today’s society. No wonder we have so many relational problems in our families and our work places. Respect is a home, community and nation builder.
No one wants to stay in an environment where he or she is not honored. Real honour is seen in our ability to talk respectfully to people even when they have done something we do not approve of. Many homes and communities have been racked by dishonorable attitudes, words and actions. Honour is a powerful tool that gives us access to favour with people. Favour from just one key person can change your life forever.
Bad habits are an enemy of relationships. When we embrace bad habits of coming late to appointments, bad mouthing others, lying and exaggerating details, our relationships won’t work properly. Habit is an automatic pattern of behaviour that maybe inherited or acquired through frequent repetition. Actually behaviour is formed through habits. Habits can be seen in how we spend our time, how we manage our relationships and in how we spend our money.
Success in every sphere of life is found in our daily habits. It is therefore imperative that we learn how to maximise good habits, while minimising the bad ones. The original meaning of the word habit is garment or clothing, implying something we daily put on. The habits we choose to practice will eventually shape our character and behaviour, and finally impact on the quality of our relationships.  Habit reflects character, shapes character and affects the destiny of our relationships.
Life must be lived by design and not by default. We must intentionally weed out bad habits from our lives as we work on making our relationships better. When God wants to bless you, He usually connects you to people who will help elevate your life. Therefore be careful how you treat people.

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