CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Real life is about real relationships.

Relationships are important bridges in the equation of a successful and significant life. Nevertheless, no matter how committed or loving, we will sometimes have disagreements or conflicts with the people we interact with. As a matter of fact, conflict is normal and inevitable in any given relationship. It is usually said that if you agree on everything, one of you is unnecessary. Conflict will be experienced at all levels of relationships, in different forms and intensity. Conflicts usually occur because of unmet expectations rooted in self-centeredness. Most of the time the unmet expectations are also undeclared and not clearly communicated expectations due to various reasons.
To be effective in any given relationship, we need more than love, we need wisdom to navigate around our friends or colleagues’ weaknesses, way of doing things and their thought patterns. Conflicts and differences will always be experienced in any given relationship, be it in a marriage, family, workplace or even in a church environment.

We must therefore of necessity develop the ability to control our emotional reactions, clarify and define our problems or differences in order to amicably resolve our issues. How we respond to any given form of conflict is really the key for resolving that particular conflict amicably. Farlex’s dictionary defines conflict as, ‘ a state of opposition between persons or ideals or interests.’ Conflict is an incompatibility of ideas or proposals. It could also be a disagreement or argument about something important to two or more individuals. Conflict could also be defined as an opposition of wishes. A conflict could be turned into a time of growth or it can become extremely painful, unresolved and destructive, depending on how we handle and react to our differences. We all must learn how to positively react to conflict so as to come up with positive and constructive solutions to our differences. Resolution is the act, operation or process of resolving issues or conflicts.

Every conflict must pass through the process of being resolved. Unresolved issues are detrimental to progress in life. We must be resolute about solving conflicts, and different forms of disagreements in life. This will demand the quality of resolutely controlling our own emotions and behaviour. It is a decision that all of us will have to make many times in this journey of life.  Here are some of the common reactions to conflict, be it at the working place or in the family set up:
Some people just withdraw either geographically, emotionally, verbally psychologically, financially and sometimes even sexually for those in a marriage relationship.
Some of us get so obsessed with winning the conflict by all means and any cost. We then resort to attacking the self-esteem or weaknesses of others, and may use anything at our disposal to do this.
Sometimes we just yield and suppress anger.

Then the anger builds up and turns into resentment, and finally we break, allowing the volcano inside to erupt and burn everything and everyone around us.
In dealing conflicts, one must be willing to accept mistakes and use them as learning opportunities. One must also learn to actively listen to others and show genuine interests in what is being said and ask constructive questions to help discover sources of problems. It is also imperative that we establish a non-defensive and non-judgmental environment characterized by open communication and trust.   
We must always approach conflict positively by being willing to spend enough time in open, transparent and direct communication. It is also important in conflict to be willing and prepared for some of our original desires or ideas to be adjusted for purposes of finding lasting solutions to whatever conflicts we are experiencing.

We also must train ourselves to communicate our ideas, desires and feelings in a respectful and godly manner. Never jump to judge-mental conclusions before you have the full understanding of the root or nature of the conflict. We must always be willing to see the situation from another perspective or point of view in order to objectively understand what the other party feels or thinks about the issues at hand. Life is designed in such a way that we will always deal with people who have deferent belief systems, and who do not see things the way we see them or do things the way we would like them to be done. An attitude of pride is a hindrance to dealing with conflict. Pride is an anti social behaviour. We should never approach any conflict from a proud full attitude. We need to learn to apologise were necessary, admit our wrong and move forward. Admitting your wrong is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of wisdom and intelligence. Offering forgiveness to someone is not a sign of foolishness, but rather a sign of strength and maturity.
Unresolved issues are the source of social and economical stagnation in families, marriages, communities and nations. Wisdom demands that we look at our differences with understanding, for the sake of positively affecting our social, economical and political future.

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