WE CHOOSE OUR OWN BELIEFS

It’s not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean.
What does that mean?

This is an interesting statement, as it seems contrary to our intuition at first glance. However, if we look at it more closely, I believe we would see that it is not only true, but that we have lived it in our lives. It says we are impacted by the events in our lives, but the result is based not on the event, but in our beliefs about what the event means.

Using examples from real life, how do two people, experiencing a similar experience, end up with very different world views?
Take any large disaster, where dozens, hundreds or even thousands of people being impacted. Some would come out stronger, others fold up and collapse.

If you have a large enough sample, you could get past individuals who are particularly hearty or frail (large groups help with statistics). Consider an earthquake (with or without tsunami). Many people would lose possessions, yet while some are fine with the situation, others are a wreck. The difference isn’t the situation – they both lost everything in the quake.

The difference is in their belief in what that loss means. Why are empowering beliefs important? 
If you believed that a loss was the end of everything, the end of your life as you knew it; you would have a very negative story to tell yourself, wouldn’t you?  If, however, you believed that the very same event was freeing, allowing you to let go of all that was holding you down and holding you back, that it was your ticket to freedom, you would have a different story to tell yourself, wouldn’t you?

The difference in belief, the end of everything vs. the beginning of a new life that is the difference between the rest of their lives.
One is going to have a tougher road ahead, not so much because of the event but because of what they believe that event means to them, what they believe the event did to them.

We chose our own beliefs. That sounds odd, as most of us have beliefs that have built up like coral reefs, one layer at a time, over the course of our lives. But still, we could change them, if we had a big enough reason, and put in the effort (and knew the techniques that got the best results).

It’s up to us to decide what each event in life means to us. If we choose to use an empowering belief about the meaning, we help ourselves not only deal with the event, but make for ourselves a brighter future. If we chose a disempowering belief, things would be a little more difficult.

Where could I apply this in my life? How do you explain the events in your life? What beliefs do you have that support those explanations?

How would your life change if you changed your explanation, and the beliefs which support it? Many years ago, my friend’s first marriage fell apart. For a brief time, he blamed myself (well, he was partly right), and felt like he was a complete failure because of this event. Fortunately, he recovered from the pity party and got his head straightened out.

What are some of the events in your life? Big ones, ones that helped propel you forward, as well as the ones that weren’t as helpful.
How might your life be different if your beliefs were different?

Take each event and turn it around a few times in your head, and consider the possibilities. What if you believed that you did/didn’t deserve it? What if you believed that everything was going to work out/it was the end of everything? What if you believed that it was/wasn’t fair? What if you believed it was an accident/rigged? With different beliefs, your life would have been shaped in a different manner after each event. How different would your life be if you embraced an event with a set of positive beliefs? How different would it be if you had fewer negative beliefs? How much better off would you be?

While it’s too late to change the past, it’s never too late to change what you believe about an event.
Everything is open to interpretation; every event could be looked at with fresh eyes. How else could the event been perceived by you? What motives have you guessed, which might not be true? Could you believe it was an accident, not a deliberate action? Could you believe that by learning something in the process, the event had some merit, some value, and that (in some aspects of your life) you are better off for it, having happened?

You could change what you believe the event means and it might well be beneficial for you to do so. Only you could make that decision, but I would consider how much better your life could be if you chose to do so. On what would you choose to focus?

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