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2 HEARTS THAT BEAT AS ONE

28/05/2019 04:01:00 By Rev J.V Mazibuko

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DON’T we all desire to live in perfect harmony with our spouses and enjoy the blissfulness of happily ever after? The truth is we all do, in fact that is the primary reason you chose that spouse and married him/her.

Every couple enters marriage with high hopes and looking forward to a fulfilling life journey together. Sadly, far too many couples do not realise this blissfulness. For some, disappointment sets in immediately after the exchange of vows in the early days of the marriage; yet for others they have a good run during the honeymoon period and once it wears off the realities of disharmony settle in, while for others it is a much longer period.

The reason is pretty much the fact that while marriage is a perfect institution created by God, the people in it are imperfect. This, therefore, means the people getting into marriage must be willing to always work towards the blissfulness of their marriage.

This is not a miraculous occurrence, neither is it something pastors can bless you with on your wedding day. Praying for a harmonious marriage is perhaps a good starting point but it needs to be accompanied by works from both husband and wife. My article today is centred around these words; ‘two hearts that beat as one’, and one may ask if this is even possible?

To bring this into context, this does not imply the physiology of the husband and wife but speaks more on the synchronization in thoughts and perhaps feelings. Put differently, two hearts beating as one brings the notion of harmony but does not suggest personality change. The two individuals retain their unique personalities, but due to their increased understanding and trust, their thinking towards each other is more harmonious. And this is perhaps the challenging part, because many of us want to alter our spouses’ personalities to be like ours so we can reach harmony.

Imagine the husband working hard to change his wife’s personality to his and the wife doing likewise, no wonder the end result is discontentment. The second thing I want to highlight is that harmony does not mean absence of conflict. Too often we think that if harmony must be realised then the husband and wife must be in agreement with everything they do or say.

On the contrary, conflict can facilitate harmony by forcing the couple to work together in resolving that conflict. It is in that process of resolving a conflict that harmony is built and strengthened; so, without conflict we might not be able to measure growth or maturity as a couple. I must say, yes, it is possible for two hearts to beat as one, however it takes a lot more effort than just laying of hands on the wedding day.

This stage in any relationship does not just happen but calls for the two parties to continuously work on themselves and on their relationship. The husband and wife must work and earn each other’s trust.

The thing about trust is that it takes such a long time to build yet can be destroyed within a blink of an eye. Marriages that are not built and solidified on trust are not likely to be harmonious and those two hearts cannot beat as one. Trust is therefore a robust foundation to build strong marriages. Couples who trust each other are able to foster understanding in almost all areas of their lives and inevitably live in harmony with each other. A study published by the International Behavioural Neuroscience Society, affirmed that two hearts literally beat as one in trusting relationships.

According to this study, how much you trust your partner is tied to how physically in sync the two of you are. Clearly being in sync with your spouse has a lot of benefit for your marriage as it fosters peace and harmony in the home. And the direct effect of this is lower stress levels, as a committed relationship of any kind is directly linked to a decrease in the production of the stress hormone cortisol.

In today’s highly stimulus world we find ourselves engulfed by stressors all around, at work, in the community, at home and even in church. So being in a trusting marriage relationship will act as a buffer to psychological distress and other types of distresses. This is more of a reason to work hard in maintaining and strengthening trust in the home.

Other scientific studies have supported the notion that even if you get sick, being married makes you three times more likely to have a successful recovery following a major surgery. And of course the environment at home plays a pivotal role in ensuring a speedy recovery; spouses supporting each other to make healthy lifestyle choices, increased endorphin production aiding insulin regulation, immune system strength and more, according to scientific research.

Let me again encourage you that it is possible for you and your spouse to live in harmony; the only requirement is for you to work hard and never stop to work on your marriage. If you continuously seek understanding of each other, you will be the two hearts that beat as one. God Bless you!
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