SUBSTANCE ABUSE IN THE FAMILY

It is so true that one can choose friends but cannot choose family.

We do not have a choice about who becomes part of our family, in fact given the chance, most would wish to trade some family members. Each family has this one troublesome family member who has been dubbed ‘the black sheep’ of the family. Often, this family member does not listen to anyone in the family and tends to be law unto themselves. Dealing with such family members can be a nightmare, particularly if they are also substance abusers. Although we can often feel these family members do not reflect our family values and ethos, we cannot disown them. We can, however, learn how best to live with them without antagonising them and vice-versa. Ultimately, our desire is to get them unhooked from the harmful habits that have entangled them. Our talk today will focus in detail on how best we can support and help our family members who are addicted to substance abuse.

The growing numbers of people, young and old, who consume alcohol habitually in large quantities, is alarming. In most cases, the consumption of alcohol can be destructive to the structure of the family, especially if the head is an alcohol abuser. This behaviour normally sets a bad example for his family and children. In such a situation, the consumption of alcohol is normalised, and it is difficult to tell your children to refrain from such behaviour. It is therefore important for the head of the family to be mindful of the unintended behavioural patterns s/he passes on to the rest of the family.

Needless to say, the head of the household need not be an alcohol imbiber to have family members who take alcohol. Nonetheless, it helps when s/he does not take alcohol as this sets the tone in the family, whether that tone or pattern is adhered to, is a story for another day. Family members who choose to imbibe alcohol need to be confronted about that destructive pathway and the dangers of such exposed, revealing all possible consequences. Sometimes the bluntness of truth can be a deterrent to such behaviour.  All this must be done in love and not out of spite and with the intention of shaming.

Manner

It is easy to push your family member(s) towards the depths of the clamps of substance abuse because of the manner in which we approach them. Don’t shy away from talking about substance abuse even before you suspect anyone to be involved in any – talk about how alcohol makes one feel and ultimately how it makes one behave. Having a non-threatening conversation about substance abuse can be enlightening and quell the curiosity that comes with it. It is in these conversations where you spell out your likes and dislikes, as well as clearly outlay the rationale behind the position that you have taken. Let us talk about these toxic issues with our families and children.

Most parents shy away from these uncomfortable conversations until it is too late to turn the tide. Those who engage their children on such issues are often irrational, dismissive and angrily respond to posed questions. When we do that, we force our children to look for answers elsewhere. Unfortunately, most of those sources tell them the best teacher is experience. The key here is to inform yourself about these topics so you can better interact on the subject without feeling threatened by your limited knowledge. If your family member(s) is now addicted to alcohol to the point of alcoholism, do not give up on him/her, seek professional help – that is love and the God-kind of love.

Sinner

Holy Scriptures declare that God follows the sinner until the end and we can learn from Him. Another substance abuse rampaging our families and societies is that of drug abuse and smoking. At first this may seem cool and acceptable because the elite and trendsetters are doing it, however, like any other illicit drug, the end is pretty much the same – destructive. Again, here let us be candid with our family members and have an honest conversation about drug abuse and smoking. If you once struggled with these, say it out, do not portray a holier than thou attitude – your story could save the lives of your loved ones.

The missteps you encountered in your youth were part of the moment you have right now, do not despise them. Your loved ones can feed off your slip-ups, do not hide them. Drugs are killing the bright future of our children; I know that some adults are involved in these drug cartels because of the millions of Emalangeni in the drug business. If you are in this kind of business in one way or the other, know that the blood of our children is in your hands. To the many parents out there raising children who are now hooked on drugs, I want to say don’t give up on them, they are still precious gifts from God. Love them, pray for them, and treat them well, things can still turn around. Seek professional help early to increase the chances of them dropping the habit and above all, engage them in formulating a solution.

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