SEXUAL ABUSE IN THE FAMILY II

Last week we introduced a sensitive subject of incest rape and categorised it as an abomination in the sight of our Creator and a sad tragedy in our society.

Rape is immoral and a crime; whether it is done to a male or a female it must be reported and the law take its course against the perpetrators. Incest rape is just on another level of immorality and tends to be complicated because of the people implicated. Hence, most families fail to support the survivor as the focus is to protect the perpetrator, because s/he is a breadwinner or beloved family member. Difficult as it may be, we ought to report such to the relevant officials, as failure to do so only worsens what we claim to be protecting. Perpetrators of incest rape tend to be repeat offenders, repeatedly subjecting their victims to torture and brokenness.

I wish to implore family members not to conceal these incidences and pretend as if things are normal – to root out incest rape we need to be bold and have courage. If we are timid and partial, we have no chance of winning against this immoral behaviour which is eroding the integrity and sanctity of family and society. Sexual abuse, if not dealt with, breeds sexual immorality in the family. It is highly likely to find that offenders were themselves victims at some point when they were young and helpless. Unless intentional steps are taken to address the rape incident(s) through professional and appropriate means, the cycle will not be broken. Children will grow up with that emotional hurt and wound into adulthood and seek opportunities to revenge.

You find girls dating boys with the sole intention of hurting them because of past hurts which were not resolved; girls who passionately hate anything male, because they were repeatedly raped by the men who were supposed to protect them. The consequences of incest rape are far reaching, shaping personalities and characters of future mums and dads. You find boys forcing themselves on girls because they were raped when they were young. This breeds people who are hostile and aggressive – unfortunately, these people also wish to marry and have families of their own. They hurt their spouses and pass on to their own children these open wounds and shape abnormal sexual behaviours.

Exposure

One of the common impacts of sexual abuse is the early exposure to sexuality which often leads to promiscuity – the urge to experiment with sex and sexuality. Naturally, God created human beings male and female for a reason. It is God who put the opposite physical attraction in mankind. The holy scriptures anchor us on this truth that after God had created everything and saw that it was good, He then made mankind, both male and female, instructing them to be fruitful and increase in number.

There is a natural physical attraction that must exist between males and females for the fulfillment of God’s agenda given to mankind. Unfortunately, the sexual abuse that is prevalent in our society has distorted this natural occurrence. Some of our family members who have been subjected to sexual abuse would now prefer same sex intimacy, confusing sexual orientation with unresolved phobias and insecurities.

It was not so at the beginning; however, sexual abuse has led many astray and made them vulnerable to entertain impulses and desires that are not natural. This is not to say that all individuals who identify themselves as homosexual are victims of sexual abuse. We are trying to highlight the scourge of sexual abuse in relation to sexual preference. Sexual abuse leads to all sorts of distortions and makes victims susceptible to the devices of the enemy as they seek identity and meaning of their lives. Without heterosexual unions, God’s agenda for mankind - procreation, is inhibited.

If the enemy can prompt and convince more vulnerable individuals into same-sex unions, then he knows he has gained some mileage over the God-given mandate of procreation. Many entertain homosexual thoughts because of past experiences. For the young boy who was molested and sodomised, leading a homosexual lifestyle becomes a possibility. Openly addressing sexual abuse in your family is of paramount importance – the focus should be both on the perpetrator and victim.

The perpetrator must be reported and prosecuted even if s/he is the breadwinner in the family. Letting it slide or ignoring it creates a bigger problem in society as the perpetrator is emboldened to torture more individuals. The sexual abuse survivor needs to be supported and exposed to therapeutic counselling and psychosocial support to process the painful experience. Supporting the survivor will likely halt some of the grievous consequences of sexual abuse and break the cycle of abuse.

I implore families that if there is any sexual abuse in the family, they must ensure that it is adequately addressed to the point of healing and restoration to the victims. It will help if we talk more on these issues as families; discuss appropriate and inappropriate sexual behaviours with your children; discuss about sexual preferences and orientation. Doing this will empower our boys and girls on sexuality and appropriate choices, as well as raising the alarm when they are touched inappropriately. Send comments to adminsec@mbac.co.sz

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