MANNERS MAKETH MAN

When the proverb ‘manners maketh man’ first emerged in medieval times, ‘man’ referred to all humankind, capturing the importance of politeness and respectful behaviour in a decent society.

Is the concept still valid? Of course, but it has been evident that throwing money about can, regrettably, give rise to self-awarded exemption certificates. And, interestingly, the focus of the saying seems to have narrowed to the male of the human species. We can’t complain. Manners themselves have changed over the years and do vary according to different cultures. In the old days – and I refer to the middle of the last century – in the so-called western world, a man walking with a lady might place himself on the outside of the pavement to protect her from vehicles passing closely by, especially appreciated when water was splashed from the road. If a couple arrived at a building, the man might hold open the door – indeed, all doors – for his wife to enter first. The motor car’s arrival at the end of the 19th century brought more door-opening scenarios into the reckoning; a further measure of good manners. In this day and age, if a man is seen opening a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.

Then there was the issue of sitting. If, as recently as 50 years ago, a man was seen sitting in a crowded bus while a woman was left standing; he qualified to be thrown off the bus. And no refund of the fare either. That is, of course, an exaggeration, but it was a very strict protocol nevertheless. It could inevitably lead to the ludicrous situation where a severely arthritic male, visually in apparently good shape, would be morally obliged to stand and give his seat to some Amazonian female fresh out of the gym. One hopes she would politely refuse!

Protocol

Nowadays, the underground rail system in major cities of the world is living proof that the seat-donation protocol has vanished into history. And for two extraordinary reasons – you not only have no contact with other occupants of the carriage, but you also don’t even look at them. In congested urban areas, the underground or metro is always jam-packed, and human occupants have developed the art of ignoring every other person, despite at least two of them standing no more than a couple of centimetres from one’s face.

For centuries, even millennia, women had an inferior status in all countries. They were originally home-keepers and carers while men did the hunting. It was only in the past century, in different countries at different times, that women started to be given equal status. They had to fight for it, and in some countries today – mostly ones tolerated because of their wealth or political significance – women are still treated as inferior. A woman called Germaine Greer pioneered the Women’s Liberation movement in the 1970s and the ‘fairer sex’ has never looked back. Gender equality is now a moral ‘must’.  

That movement inspired the egalitarian approach to marriage in many of the more enlightened countries of the world today; morally right, but in practice, not necessarily easy; just like political democracy. Decisions in the family would now be made by both partners instead of just one. In the old days, the man (there weren’t same-sex marriages then) made all the decisions and the woman would say ‘Yes dear’. In countries that respect gender equality, the equal status perhaps makes sustainable marital harmony more difficult to achieve; a tougher route to marital bliss, but a healthy one. Women in those societies are considerably less submissive, and generally well protected by laws. It does, of course, introduce an intriguing question. If women are to be given equal status, then how can they be entitled to any special status? When talking about the manners of men, it is no longer in terms of door-opening, puddle-guarding and seat-providing; the focus now is on areas such as intimidation and violence.

Considered

The simple answer to the special status issue is – real men don’t hit or bully women. I always run if there’s a problem. But seriously, where I grew up you were considered the world’s biggest coward if you struck a woman. So you never did, while always hoping that you wouldn’t one day get pushed against the wall by a 125kg female prize fighter planning a bit of violence. That’s when the quick sprint would come in useful. Where anger emerges in a relationship – the kind of fragile situation a man can often face, or sometimes cause – then he should always seek a violence-free solution, which may need outside assistance. They are still the fairer sex; deal with them gently and with respect, and they will respond as only a woman can.

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