CARNEGIE THE GREAT

Not a medieval emperor, but actually Dale Carnegie, the American who wrote probably the most famous self-improvement book of all time.

He did so in 1937 and, although the style now appears somewhat dated, it was certainly among the first of its kind and a classic in publishing history. The book, of which around thirty million copies have been sold, was called ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ and has been translated into almost every written language. Not a title you would flash around in public because it suggests a somewhat adolescent motive for reading the book.  

But the reality is that anyone who is anyone will have read it. It’ll make you a better person and communicator.  Putting Carnegie’s principles into practice is also the way to excel in the workplace.  You only have to read some of Carnegie’s personal sayings to get interested in him, in his ideas and how he captures them in print, making a powerful impression.  A favourite is ‘You can’t win an argument; because if you lose it you lose it; and if you win it you lose it’.  We’ve all been there! Another is – ‘talk to someone about themselves and they’ll listen for hours.’ A subtle little apparent contradiction.

While those who have read the book will rarely claim to have always practised what Carnegie preached, being reminded about it will help to embed the key points in one’s mind.  What follows is just a few of those. Let’s reflect first on the ‘How to Win Friends …’ part.  One fascinating item was his recollection of when he was at a function and found himself with a famous botanist who talked to him non-stop for some time about the finer points of his subject. Carnegie listened, with genuine interest, but deeply embarrassed because he couldn’t think of anything to say. He felt totally ignorant. But when the botanist left the event he said to the host;
“That Mr Carnegie is a very interesting person to have a conversation with.” So we should be good listeners. Unfortunately, we often have so much we want to say and perhaps not enough time in which to say it.  The active listener makes a big impression.  And we should smile.  “A smile,” Carnegie said, “costs nothing, but creates so much.”

Impact

Another saying of his was “Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” Using a person’s name always has a powerful impact.  And yet we invariably forget it the moment we are introduced, more preoccupied with what he or she is wearing or whether we have any ice-cream left on our face. You will come across many socially smart people who will use your name repeatedly within five minutes of meeting you. They do it to cement it in their brain, with ready recall when next they meet you.

“You can make more friends in two months by being interested in them, than in two years by making them interested in you.”  You are the person with whom you exist 24/7.  To encounter someone who appears genuinely interested in you makes a huge impact on how you see and appreciate that person.  Thus, being sincerely interested in other people has a significant impact on their perception of you. There is, though, a very big difference between being interested and being nosy.  A healthy way of life and attitude will protect you there. And care is needed with different cultures. The question out of nowhere ‘How’s the family?’ followed by a genuine interest in the response, is greatly appreciated in some cultures. In others, it might produce only alarm. Hey, what’s coming next?

Book

In the ‘… and How to Influence People’ part of Carnegie’s book, having already won you many friends through the earlier part, he adds that a crucially important aspect of leading people in your job is to avoid telling a person that he or she is ‘wrong’.  It has a negative effect. Conversely, a ready willingness to admit being wrong yourself invariably goes down well. And always try to start a difficult meeting in the most friendly manner possible. A very useful technique when attempting to bring another person to your point of view is to ask them a number of questions, carefully prepared for them to be almost certainly saying ‘yes’ to all of them, enabling you to ease into the point you want accepted without (further) argument.

And Carnegie argues that a heavy influence on others is achieved by showing, again sincerely, that you are seeing things from their point of view, indicating appreciation and, where appropriate, a degree of sympathy.  Furthermore, making a person feel important, through a subtle delivery of the appropriate compliments, sets the scene superbly for a productive discussion and output. Above all, Carnegie places a high value on having a genuine interest in other people. RIP.

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