INVESTING IN HIM

For the past three weeks, we have been talking about the husband investing in his wife.

Today, I wish to flip the coin and share a few thoughts about how wives can also invest in their husbands. Marriage is a two-way street, both spouses owe it to each other to nourish and enrich the other. The Holy Scriptures say a wise woman builds her home with her hands, while a foolish woman destroys it with the same. It is common practice that wives view themselves as the weaker vessel needing the husband for upkeep. I wish to say to all married ladies out there, whether married in Swazi Law and Custom or Civil Rights, you are much stronger than you think. God, our creator, set you up as supporters, pillars and suitable helpers. To effectively play that function, you ought to be strong and resilient. So, allow me to say your husband needs you for him to be the best version of himself – without you by his side, supporting and caring for him, his authenticity is void.

Let me begin by saying; invest in your husband’s leadership function. Your husband is not your boss but your leader. Investing in his leadership means you do not undermine his God-given authority over you; he is your head as Christ is his head. You might be more intelligent than he is, yet still, he is your leader – unwise wives who have discovered their husband’s flaws find it difficult to accept his leadership role over them and often undercut their husbands by watering down all he says or does. Wise wives, on the other hand, quietly channel their husbands in pathways leading to improvement of their leadership skills.

Leadership is an art, it is a learned behaviour – we learn leadership from others, particularly those ahead of us. We also learn it from books, videos, history, and other sources of information. You can challenge your husband to have mentors and/or mentees but do it in wisdom by also having people who can guide you and a family and others you can guide as well. This might not be easy because most men have an inherent ego and unwillingness to be coached on their leadership skills. But it takes a wise and artistic wife to artfully convince her husband without bruising his ego.

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Leaders are readers, buy him leadership books, allow him to expand his leadership knowledge and watch him grow without putting pressure and expectations. Investing in your husband’s leadership also entails that you allow him to lead, give him advice when he seeks such and do not be overbearing with it. Most husbands value the inputs of their wives, but it must not come thick and fast. By this I mean do not make your husband feel you have taken over, know when to talk and when to stop. Remember your husband has an inherent ego which when busted might result in him feeling disrespected in such a manner that he feels his manhood being cut off.

Managing these boundaries well will enrich your husband’s leadership skills as he will likely consult you often and value your counsel. Even when your husband has refined leadership skills, your counsel is very much needed because you are a suitable helper and we all have blind spots and can still improve in our leadership. As a matter of fact, the acumen of your husband’s leadership skills will be evidenced by his ability to consult and build consensus in important family decisions. If he does not do that, then his leadership is wanting.

Your husband is not only your leader but the leader of your children as well, thus investing in his leadership skills will enrich the lives of your children. It takes leadership to be a good father; a father that does not discriminate but treats all children fairly, whether biological or adopted, a father who knows that he must protect and love all his children, both boys and girls, without showing favouritism, a father who generously provides for his children, providing for material and emotional needs – because of the support he receives from his wife. Such a father provides well timed fatherly advice and structure for his children.

Discipline

Your husband can also be a father who disciplines his children with love and affection, knowing that discipline is a corrective measure not punishment, a father who is well respected by his children because they witness the honour and respect their mother is giving him. When you recognise your husband’s leadership with respect, not only do you boost his self-esteem but enhance his leadership capabilities as well. Invest in his leadership so he can lead with integrity and be the visionary leader he ought to be.

When he shares the vision for the home, help him by interrogating it and coming up with the best framework in order to improve your home. Leaders see far, encourage your husband to be futuristic and see beyond the now and here. Invest in his leadership by supporting his dreams and aspirations – celebrate his leadership successes and continuously work on improving and complimenting gap areas. You are a suitable helper, play your part diligently, be the help that your husband needs to be an effective leader. John Maxwell once said; “Everything rises and falls on leadership.” Send comments to adminsec@mbac.co.sz 

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