MARRIAGE SEASONS

Marriage, like life, has seasons.

The cold front we are currently experiencing will soon be replaced by heatwaves and thunderstorms. This teaches us that no season is permanent – they come and go in a cycle fashion. It might currently be a little bit chilly in your marital relationship, but the comforting part is that if you work together as husband and wife, you will be ushered into another season, perhaps one that is warm. Seasons are times and periods of happenings and no one season surpasses the other, they all contribute towards the couple we are today. My wish and desire is for all of us to realise that each season in marriage has both good and bad – we just need to work out the good in what may be deemed as a bad season. A cold and dry season in your marriage should not spell its demise. Rather, let us look for the good and draw lessons from the unpleasant experiences we pass through.

Hardships

When marriage undergoes hardships, we tend to learn more about each other as individuals and as a couple. The difficulties reveal our personalities more and resolute to work together and find an amicable solution. Do not be frightened by difficulties because they can be an opportunity for growth in your marriage. Navigating and resolving difficulties has a way of drawing the couple together if they both work towards a common goal of togetherness. Whatever season your marriage is in, it is vital to remember that when we get married it is for the long-haul, it is until death do us part. The marriage obligation, by nature, means that when confronted with difficulties we fight to resolve them and not just give in and dissolve the marriage. Marriage is permanent and both spouses must fight for their union to last as long as they both live – both spouses are bound to each other as long as they are alive.

Sentiments

These are sentiments shared by Apostle Paul, writing to the church in Rome, that marriage is bound by law and the law holds as long as we are alive. To have a better fight and stand a good chance of winning in each season, the couple needs to understand the stages or seasons of marriage. These stages have no specific time period, for some it can be short, yet for others it can be long. The first stage is what we refer to as the early marriage stage – this stage is characterised by learning to coexist in the same space. There is a lot of adjustment and being accommodative of the other at this stage – it is a season of discovery and peeling of the onion skin. This season can be challenging for some as you will discover not only the good about your spouse but also the bad. Both spouses need to embrace this season and be open minded, allowing room for changes in their lives.

Marriage is about sharing living spaces and allowing your spouse to make changes in you as you make changes in them as well. Learning to share your spaces can prove to be a defining skill in this stage of marriage – this means that you both share a willingness to unlearn certain habits and be more open for new experiences. Couples who are unwilling to move out of their comfort zone often frustrate each other in this phase of transformation. The quicker and the more we learn about each other, the faster the settlement. This stage is also characterised by pregnancy, childbearing, and rearing – again this can be both exciting and tricky for many.

Pregnancy

Pregnancy alone, particularly if it is unplanned, can cause a strain in a marital relationship. The thought of anticipated expenses can increase stress levels, let alone the mood swings caused by hormonal imbalance. Contrary, in the case of planned pregnancy the marital relationship is enhanced and a new lease of excitement of a beautiful future is envisaged. Pregnancy is such a beautiful thing in marriage, every couple looks forward to parenthood, however, care must be taken that both spouses are ready for the added responsibility of bringing in new life. The husband must bear in mind that due to pregnancy; his wife will suddenly show a different personality and often alter her diet. During pregnancy, some women want their men close by, while others do not want them close by – do not interpret this as nagging or repelling you. It is all temporary, after childbirth things will return to some form of normalcy. Understand the season you are in and embrace it. Unfortunately, many husbands, because of selfishness, cheat on their wives during this season of pregnancy.

I like the contemporary terminology used by some these days, that when the wife is pregnant, the couple will say ‘we are pregnant’. This posture enables the husband to be part of the pregnancy and play a more prominent role during this period. Pregnant women can be very conscious of their appearance and weight; hence husbands need to be careful not to be insensitive towards their wives. Shower her with positive compliments and help her maintain a healthy outlook of herself. Send comments to adminsec@mbac.co.sz

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