SAY RIGHT THING AT RIGHT TIME

If you can manage to get the younger generation to read for longer than they gaze at screens you’re either a lucky parent or a skilful one. Probably a bit of both. It’s not easy. On the one hand, the young people prioritise being like their peers. It’s later in life that the majority strike out or simply evolve into individuality.

So, rather than deprive, it’s best to achieve a balance between ‘keeping up with the Jones’s’ (allowing a mobile phone) and developing a love of reading. But it isn’t easy to achieve the mind-set where having an excellent book on the go is a key highlight of the day.

Someone who served the world in a manner that sought to provide that joy of reading - for hundreds of millions and over 150 years to date - was a name the devoted readers have perhaps already guessed. Like all literature, this writer’s novels have their real place in social history. But he wrote to a standard that would not only fully engage the reader, but would assist in one’s own writing and oral skills.

What is highly significant about that writer, but much less known than his skills, was the extent to which some hugely influential words of praise changed the direction of his life. Can you believe that this guy had only four years schooling? While his father was in jail for failing to pay his debts – yes, they used to put you in clink for that. For many years the son had to get a job sticking labels on bottles in a rat-infested warehouse, while sleeping on the floor at night; and only posting his writing secretly. He had no perception of its quality or potential popularity. When he did take a manuscript to the first publisher, he did so secretly because he had little confidence in his own ability. It was rejected, but he tried another publisher and received such vibrant praise that he dived into his new writing career.

His name was Charles Dickens who became one of the greatest writers of all time: Christmas Carol, Pickwick Papers, David Copperfield, Oliver Twist, Tale of Two Cities, just to name a few. All that was needed to ignite the flames of self-belief and creativity was some hearty and sincere praise from a respected individual. Please remember that in your working days.

As renowned psychologist, Jess Lair, once said: “Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it.” Praise must, of course, be sincere; and a far cry from the shallow sycophantic words that are sometimes used to curry favour.  That goes nowhere.

Aspect

But, according to the much-favoured saying, there’s a time and place for everything.  Sometimes, within every aspect of human life, whether at work or play, there will be occasions when criticism is necessary. No one’s perfect. The key to making criticism that impacts effectively, while wounding minimally, is to say the right thing at the right time. Too often you find, in business and areas of human work activity, that supervisory communication is limited to criticism. Either that supervisor is too rushed or doesn’t know enough about human behaviour to be aware that criticism existing alone usually does more harm than good.

As Jess Lair added: “While most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise.”

The secret is to set the scene with praise, to be followed with the criticism. And owing to the close juxtaposition of the two, you should avoid using the word ‘but.’ So much more receptive and fertile is the human mind when receiving it this way. And make the praise specific in description. To the child – “your handwriting has improved; and it’s only your spelling now that you need to work on.” To the cleaner at the office – “You clean the floor so quickly and thoroughly; perhaps you could sing your favourite songs a little more quietly” (lol). And at a senior level – “You and your staff are working to an exceptionally high standard on the stock control and it’s time now to focus on hitting the deadlines.”

Music

I must not always be pushing reading down the throat (if you’ll forgive the misleading suggestion of unnecessary brutality). It can be music. For a musician to see 100 of the audience walking out during the first big concert would be devastating, hardly remedied by 1 000 compliments after the show. But the right praise, not always in words, can be equally effective. A boy of 10 working in a factory in Italy longed to be a famous singer. But his first teacher dismissed him with criticism. “You can’t sing. Your voice sounds like the wind in the shutters.” But his mother, a poor peasant woman, praised and expressed her faith in him, walking barefoot in town to save money for his lessons. The boy’s name was Enrico Caruso who became the greatest and most famous opera singer of his era.

Indeed, one of the most respected techniques in people management is ‘walking the factory floor.’ It is a highly motivational measure that should be done frequently by senior management. Not only checking that everything is fine – and not just on the factory floor – but also taking the opportunity to praise employees for their good work. But that praise should always be specific, genuine and expressed with sincerity.

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