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A Taxi To dreamland

19/08/2013 06:16:00 BY Phumlani Matse

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*whistle* Eeeeeeeey! This one is headed for dreamland, dreamland, dreaaaaaamland!

Oh! Hi you fellas, I honestly didn’t think you would be able to find me here in the midst of the ever crowded and disorderly hustle bustle of the bus rank here in Manzini.

There are kombis hooting and buses honking. Then there are my colleagues, the conductors, whistling at girls in minis and reminiscing about the good old days when they could grope and forcefully fondle girls at the rank before police decided to set up a mini station here.

And yes I said they were my colleagues because I have also taken up a job as a conductor. These are tough times and being a Wise Old Man is seemingly not enough of an occupation to sustain me financially, hence my decision to supplement my earnings. All along I had been nursing hopes that someone would nominate me so I could run for a seat in parliament, but poor me, I forgot to hand out food parcels and E20 notes to the voters.

“Eeeeeeey Dreamland! Nayi le pink iya e Dreeaaamland!” Whew, this shouting business is not as easy as one would think, but it would seem lady luck is smiling at me today as I need only one passenger and my kombi will be full. To be honest I don’t usually have a problem because there are so many people who want to go to dreamland and our kombi happens to be the only one that services that route! Talk about finding a gap in the market!

Stubbornly

“Yes bro! This one is going to Dreamland. Come right in.” Fellas my kombi is full I need to hand out tickets now. I’m very professional unlike some of my colleagues who stubbornly refuse to give out tickets and earn themselves tickets from the cops every time. Yes, sister at the back, which part of dreamland do you want to go to? ‘Happy Marriage’. Okay to get to Happy Marriage will cost you honesty, obedience, patience and you should also cook good food, here’s your ticket. Young man in black stunnerz, which part? ‘Successful Career.’ Alright, that will cost you long hours studying, consistency in attending classes and as much practice as possible.

Back seat occupiers, I noticed you were travelling together when you boarded, where do you get off fellas? ‘First World.’ Sure thing. That will cost you Democracy, holding onto your culture and traditions, respect for those in leadership and compassion for your fellow country people. Love and respect for our King, Queen Mother, Emakhosikati and all those tasked with the onerous task of leadership.

And you, gentleman with the gold rings, which part of Dreamland? ‘Hell.’ Oh, Hell... well although that is an unpleasant place generally it is not mine to judge. Some people do wish to go to hell, and to each his own I say! That will cost you some lying, promiscuity, abuse a couple of people, especially women. You also need to take some illegal drugs. Here’s your ticket... My name is the Wise Old Man, sometimes people like Skeel, Pastor E, The Conductor, Pupu, Daniele, Vanlz call me PhumlaThePoet, and I don’t mind at all. However, I need to shut the door now fellas before my passengers get agitated about being delayed.

*whistle* Driver! Asvaye! I love my new job!! Ayeye!