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The Father Factor

20/08/2013 01:06:00 By Charles Samunenge

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Over many years of interaction with many men, women, children and teen agers, I have learned a few things about the importance of a father, and how his defaulting, absence or non-involvement in the lives of his children’s day to day development has a direct impact on society.

I’m not writing as an expert, because I believe there is really no expert in this field of raising children, we all struggle.
We need to face the challenge of guiding our children through the minefields and potholes of modern life towards responsible and purposeful living.
The essence of manhood is fatherhood. Every male has the father factor in them. The quality of a nation is determined by the quality of men in it. So goes the men, so goes society.

Important

When men are not in their position, women end up carrying extra loads in life. Women, I want you to know that in no way am I downplaying the important roles you play in the lives of your children.
I believe in a team approach to parenting: mum and dad working together to raise their family. However, this is usually not so, we see too many fathers neglecting their responsibilities as parents.

Many men are fumbling in the juggling act of marriage, career and fatherhood.
Trapped in their work schedules, lack of parental skills, and by unhealthy patterns in their own personalities, most men feel frustrated in the area of fatherhood.

This frustration has caused many men to have virtually defaulted as fathers, becoming either absent or uninvolved in their children’s day by day development. Men, before you give up or continue being absent or uninvolved, consider the following:
*    Dr. Loren Moshen, of the National Institute of Mental Health, analysed US census figures and found that the absence     of a father is a stronger factor than     poverty in contributing to juvenile     delinquency.
*    A group of Yale behavioural Scientists     studied delinquency in 48 cultures around the world and found that crime rates were     highest among children, adults who had been raised solely by women.
*    Dr. Armand Nicholi’s research found that an emotionally or physically absent father contributes to a child’s, (1) low motivation     for achievement (2) inability to defer immediate gratification for later rewards; (3) low self-esteem; and (4) susceptibility to group influence and to juvenile delinquency (Source: Armand Nocholi Jr. “Changes in the American Family,”     White House Paper: October 25,     1984, pp 7 – 9).
As a man and a father, the above information should keep you thinking and strategising on how to be there for your children, in spite of whether you are divorced, widowed or you got the child outside marriage.

The bottom line is this; Fathers are of virtual importance to their kids. Your relationship with your sons and daughters is a verified factor in their self-esteem, which turn to affect their growth in wisdom (making right choices in life).
Therefore, determine to dedicate yourself to the privilege and responsibility of fathering. The Psalmist has actually given us a positive perspective on fathering in Psalm 127:3 “Sons are a heritage from the Lord; children are a reward from Him”.

A good father is one that is available to his children. A child must feel free to come to his or her father without fear. A good father is one that creates an atmosphere where children quickly and naturally come to him for protection and rest.
When we fail to spend quality time with our children, or when we are sarcastic, rude or indifferent when they come to us, they will not perceive us as a place of security, refuge, and affirmation.
A father must be a warm friend to his children. He must be the one who supports his children in life’s difficulties. We must be there for our children.

Compassionate

We must be compassionate. Some children have never heard a word of encouragement or affirmation from their fathers. Negative comments are detrimental to a child’s mental and emotional health.
A father’s presence must bring joy not fear in the child. His presence must be one of companionship, involvement and enjoyment. Fathers must speak words of counsel and guidance to their children.

The world is marked by challenging and confusing philosophies of life, the father’s counsel and guidance is priceless. A real father forgives his children when they mess up.

Let us make this commitment as men and as fathers, no matter how hard it may get, no matter how unresponsive our children may be, no matter which way the road may lead us in the future, we dedicate ourselves to the opportunity and responsibility of conscientious, loving, involved, communicative fathering. For the benefit of society and the nation.