THE LONG PINKY NAIL MEN CHOOSE TO GROW

During the course of the week someone emailed me, in observance of the fact that I have been steadily collecting condolences, and challenged me to write about something as inane as a nail. What Louis Maziya failed to realise is that I am the most opinionated person in the world and as can be expected I have a strong stance on nails. What could she possibly have to say about nails?

You may be wondering, well quite a bit in fact, specifically the long pinky nail men choose to grow.
What could the purposes of this nail be, I mean besides beckoning over small children to offer them sweets from your Toyota Venture with the tinted windows?

In some Asian culture growing the pinky nail signifies wealth and intelligence, apparently the longer it is the more of these qualities you can lay claim too. What then is your explanation for this my dear African gentle brothers?
Some of you walk up to a woman with the intention to sweep her off her feet with a charming one-liner only you are conscious enough to employ methods of false advertising by delivering your entire mack with your hands buried deep in your pockets.

By the time you get to the face-caressing stage with your lady friend it will most likely be too late for her to back out and you will have gotten yourself a woman, albeit one resigned to a life of tiny inexplicable scars on her face.
One guy I know with a high threshold for embarrassment and one of these strange talons said to me he grew the nail because he wanted to be able to open envelopes with ease. Pause. Yes, you read that right he wanted to be able to open envelopes, because pimps (I assume all men who grow this nail are) receive a lot of written communication. I assume if you find yourself in a tight spot that finger may help you out; either by grossing out your would-be attacker or using it to slash them across the throat or you know, open an envelope and reading them the riot act.

Mr Kangwa was a Biology teacher in my high school and he had this long nail he would use as an earwax excavator or nose digging appliance. He also loved to ominously tap on your exam papers when querying why you’re not as smart as you present yourself to be.
If I ever have a son I will have a conversation with him very early on about how he is never to grow his pinky nail because people may assume he uses it to scoop up drugs and maybe tend to his garden. I don’t understand it, and as we know I endeavour to understand all and most things!
Even in the cultures where it is regarded as a symbol of prestige I find myself pondering on the merits of a long nail being deemed to be prestigious. They say that the longer your nail is the more wealth you have, I imagine women looking at more than just a long pinky finger when they are being courted.

Do poor men’s nails just not grow? I am troubled by things I do not undertsnad and you see for this, I have questions!
I always say “pimping aint easy” because on top of being a king and a thug I am also a pimp. I now realise that that specific phrase came from the hardships pimps had to face such as growing their pinky nails and only being the shot caller once theirs was the longest on the block. If you had a short one then you got all the underperforming ladies of the night.

I don’t know, I have sleepless nights about this anomaly that people choose to live with. Kurough!

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