Times Of Swaziland: MAN TO MAN: SEX IS DANGEROUS

MAN TO MAN: SEX IS DANGEROUS
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Sabelo Gabs Nxumalo on 23/04/2024 08:11:00


I have come to realise that love is not a game but one of the most powerful
emotions given to mankind, and sex is simply dangerous.
We have seen a rise in crimes of passion simply because men think that love is a
game. Let us take some time to talk man to man about how we can understand the
causes of crimes of passion. It was in this very publication, only last week,
that a headline read; ‘Man kills ex, attempts suicide’. Generally speaking,
women have been the victims. As the story went; he had an argument with his
ex-wife along a public road and lost it, and in plain view of the public he
stabbed her four times in the neck and chest. He was temporarily insane because
of love one would guess. We need to try to understand the drivers of crimes of
passion if we are to train our young boys.
Control your thoughts
A real man has absolute control of his mind and body. Some thoughts should never
be allowed to linger in a man’s mind. I am talking about real men. We have
weak men who have sexual intercourse with their secretaries, coworkers, house
helpers, young boys, wives and relatives, including their daughters just because
they cannot control their thoughts. There are thoughts that creap into a man’s
mind, which are very dangerous and must not be given the slightest chance to
fester and grow. If you see the body of your relative or maid, and a sexual
thought creaps into your mind, a real man slaps his face and mentally shuts it
down; period! He blocks that thought immediately and channels his thoughts to
anything else. He does not play around with it in his mind because he knows just
how dangerous it is. If he is a Christian, he will shout, get behind me satan
(John 10: 10).
Mind and body control is critical even when drunk. If you allow a thought to
fester for more than a millisecond in your mind, you will lose control. Kill it
while it is small, don’t allow it to grow. I don’t care if you are a PhD
scholar, a bishop or an ordinary man, it will control you. You can ask a
well-respected certain army general who lost his career and respect because of
sex. If you control it once successfully, the second and third times will be
easier. Cultivate self-control, slowly, again and again, and it will become your
habit and soon your character. Once it is your character, you have control. Do
it casually and deliberately. We need more mentally disciplined men with strong
characters in Eswatini.
Five ways destruction comes in
1) Gold diggers. A man falls head over heels in love for a woman (in many cases
a younger woman) who does not return that love. However, the woman strings him
along for her benefit. The woman can abuse the man deliberately or under the
pressures of her lifestyle. The man will be abused to the extent of apologising
for things he did not do just to keep her. Love-struck, he will pay for and do
anything she demands but she never returns that love. In this category, powerful
men, including men of God and politicians, have been blackmailed and destroyed.
And then a crime of passion occurs.
2) Players who use women. A woman falls head over heels in love with a player.
The young lady gets a fake love proposal from a player who plays with love and
sex. Naïve she does not want money from the man but love. After giving all she
has and many nights of passion, he decides to break it off as he engages to
marry someone else or return to his wife. One such lady lost her mind and
stabbed a player once with a screwdriver in the heart. She is now serving jail
time.
3) Both in love but wrong love. The man and young lady fall crazily in love.
This crazy scenario finds a grown adult man leaving his big house and family to
live ‘emkhukhwini’ with his new lover. When the elders of the family ask him
why, he simply tells them he is in love. Some men strip their first family for a
newly found love. Men, please don’t play with love,  your children will look
at the pain of their mother and grow up bitter and angry at you and everyone.
And because of this, they are primed to kill. Polygamy falls under this
scenario, however, some men can remain faithful to their many families and not
be blinded by onesided love. We commend them but polygamy is not cheap,
emotionally and financially.
4) Consensual but unwanted sex. A man forces a woman to have consensual but
unwanted sexual intercourse. Uncontrolled minds take advantage of positions of
power to abuse a weaker victim using money, blackmail or authoritative
advantage, forgetting that the circumstances will change with time. The young
girl/boy will grow up and remember the abuse. How will they look at you? Such
victims have killed their abusers or become abusers themselves.
5) Mutual consensual sex, with bad consequences. They both enjoy consensual
passion with no love or strings attached. ‘Wham, bam, thank you, ma’am’,
as the English say. This may look like the ideal scenario for a lot of men and
women out there, but it is just as dangerous as the top four.
We are dealing with the devil and he will not just allow anyone to enjoy stolen
promiscuous sex without consequences. Infidelity done across the world can show
up to a loving wife or husband years later and seem like yesterday. Fits of
jealousy from spouses have caused crimes of passion. Sometimes eligitamite
children can pop up and destroy a happy family and the life of that innocent
child is torn apart. Growing up as a mistake is painful. Marriage, starting a
family and remaining faithful is hard these days. A lot of tolerance,
self-control and forgiveness are required from real men. Temptations are
everywhere as women are beautiful and too many of them are willing. Being a
player is extremely dangerous nowadays; far too many children are being brought
up by single hurting parents, especially single mothers. This produces children
lacking a father figure, and grow up with distorted emotions like excessive
anger, bitterness, lacking discipline and no self-control. Their future
relationships are almost always turbulent with emotional extremes. Comment
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