Times Of Swaziland: YOUR DIFFERENT IS A POSITIVE

YOUR DIFFERENT IS A POSITIVE
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By Nomsa Mbuli on 23/05/2017 08:12:00


A strong woman is one who lifts other women up, not put them down.
However, I have noticed with a sinking heart that there will always be females
who look to divide and conquer. I met a lovely lady this weekend who was married
for years to her husband, until the husband cheated on her with a woman from
Manzini. A lot can be said about that man being trash, we all know he had vows
to uphold, a family to protect, but he made the conscious decision to betray his
wife and put her at risk of heartache and HIV. He is an idiot and that is not
debatable.
In the same story, there is the other woman. The one who makes a decision to
date a married man. Choosing not to go for married men, more than sisterhood, is
a sign of self-respect. Look, men will routinely treat one group of women with
respect and another group as if they’re expendable. Why? Because men have
known enough women by the time they’re grown to spot insecurity. It only takes
one date to know that a girl is desperate for love, and is willing to give up
whatever to get a second date, or pursue a man who has the potential to return
her love.
Respect isn’t given, it is earned, so when you allow yourself to be talked
down to, to be made a last option, to be manipulated with reverse psychology, or
to be devalued, that means you do not respect yourself enough to teach the other
person how to respect you. We have been led to believe that respect is shown
through the length of our skirts, or how much cleavage we hide. In actual fact,
self-respect is reflected by the type of people you allow around you,
self-respect is treating yourself with kindness and working towards achieving
your goals. Self-respect is setting rules of how people can or cannot speak to
you, knowing the type of behaviour you will allow around you. Self-respect has
got nothing to do with other people’s expectations of you!
So, letting a married man toy with you, your heart and your dignity, and
expecting him to give you respect is asking for the impossible. Too many of
today’s women act like men are the prize, and that’s why they constantly get
played. Guys may test you to see if you are like the rest, but if you don’t
take the bait and stay on your path, you prove that you’re cut from a
different cloth. You shouldn’t care what other women are doing, it shouldn’t
matter if having a Blesser is the in thing, dare to be different!
The one flaw that is instilled in women when they are still young is being a
secondary character in their own life. We are told, ‘Make mama proud’ or
‘Make daddy proud,’ what about you? ‘Have the perfect body and the perfect
face, so that you can attract the perfect man who will give you a perfect
life’. When will you make yourself proud? When your primary goal is to impress
the people around you, you will let a married man in during the day, and in the
evening he will be back with his wife. And when you have children, what will you
teach them about life?
What will you teach them about self-respect? The reason some children grow up
without a father figure is because they were born of fathers who already had
families. See how not defining self-respect may affect even your children
negatively? Be different. Be the kind of woman who cares enough about herself
and the next woman even if you do not know her. Because frankly, without us
letting them, half the men wouldn’t be trash.