Times Of Swaziland: IN MARRIAGE LITTLE THINGS BIG DEAL III

IN MARRIAGE LITTLE THINGS BIG DEAL III
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By Rev J.V Mazibuko on 23/04/2019 08:07:00


Sometimes the most meaningful things in a relationship cannot be boxed and
neatly wrapped like a jewellery gift given to your spouse expressing love.
There are countless things you can give and do in your relationship daily to
convey how much you appreciate your loved one. And these actions are often
small, yet convey and express heart-felt appreciation and love. I have already
unpacked four in our previous articles and my hope and prayer is that married
couples would put into practice these things for the enrichment of their
marriage life. Appreciate your spouse, never underestimate the power of saying
something nice and genuine to your partner. We also spoke of certain language to
avoid when communicating with your spouse; avoid using ‘you never’ and
‘you always’. Words matter in marriage, if you continually speak ill of your
spouse you indirectly frame his/her world. King Solomon says; “Gentle words
are a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. Husbands and
wives must constantly check the kind of language they use when conversing,
whether it is one that builds the other or it crushes. Our words will govern the
world of our loved ones.
Kindness is also another area of concern in marriages today. Most husbands find
it easier to show kindness to other people’s wives than to their own wives,
vice versa. This should not be the case; your spouse must be the principal
recipient of your kindness. I made examples of little things like making a cup
of tea for your spouse even without him/her requesting one. Lastly, I talked
about honesty. Here I mentioned that there should be no area where the husband
and the wife feel uncomfortable talking about issues. I drew emphasis on the
area of finances and expressing your feelings to each other. I sincerely believe
that among many things if spouses were to openly discuss and be honest in these
two areas, finances and feelings, not only will we see a drastic decline in the
rate of divorces, but the number of happy families will be on the rise. Allow me
to unpack two more little things that have a bigger impact in the success or
failure of marriage life.
Intimacy goes beyond sexual and physical relations; it’s how familiar you are
with your partner on a mental and emotional level. I know as emaSwati,
especially men, we often struggle in this area, to a large extent because of our
upbringing, which was void of affection, warmth and attachment. However, this is
not an excuse for failing to connect with our wives mentally and emotionally.
Little things like holding hands, hugging and cuddling, create a warm and
affectionate feeling especially for our wives, because of the way women are
fashioned. Doing these things appeals more to the women folk than to men. The
husband who understands and practices these things will be able to connect with
his wife and perhaps facilitate the part of intimacy that appeals more to men
than to women.
When men think of intimacy with their wives, the mind quickly goes to sexual
intercourse. While sexual relations form a big component of intimacy, there are
other components which should not be ignored as earlier highlighted. It is
therefore important to understand that when we talk of intimacy, we are
referring to the closeness and togetherness of the relationship between the
husband and the wife which can be expressed in various ways, including what has
already been mentioned above. Holding your wife’s hand publicly or privately
is not a cultural thing, but an expression of intimacy and the husband must not
be intimidated by it. Intimacy in marriage has a lot of benefits as it cements
the bond between the two. And in marriages where the husband and the wife are
intimate, sex is frequent and enjoyable and subsequently stress-levels are low
and there is no room for infidelity. My appeal to all married couples of this
great nation and beyond is that we endeavour to be intimate, and this is a
conscious and intentional decision, it does not just happen.
Another area which appears small yet is a big deal in marriage is that of
physical well-being. I know some might feel uncomfortable about this, but please
allow me to highlight a few elements on this area. My emphasis here is not much
on physical appearance, but well-being. Physical appearance is important and is
often shaped by physical wellbeing. Many husbands and wives tend not to look
after themselves and their bodies in marriage, yet physical appearance can
attract your spouse to you. Attracting your spouse is a key ingredient to having
a successful marriage and good physical appearance can transform your marriage
from ordinary to extraordinary. It all starts with cleanliness; when you are
well groomed and smell nice, your spouse notices you and is attracted to you and
this has a positive effect on your marriage. Regular exercise can also do great
wonders for your marriage, not only does it increase your energy levels, but
your confidence is also boosted. As a pastor I encourage spouses to make it a
habit to do physical exercise together.
This can simply include taking regular walks together depending on your health
condition. A correct diet can also improve your physical appearance and
wellbeing and subsequently transform your marriage. Most of the illnesses we
have today are a result of poor diet. At times when one talks of a balanced
diet, people tend to think of the high cost perceived to be associated with
such, when in essence it is not the case. I believe as you make alterations in
your life and marriage to incorporate these seemingly little things your
marriage will be transformed. God Bless you! Please send comments to
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