Times Of Swaziland: FATHERHOOD

FATHERHOOD
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By Rev J.V Mazibuko on 29/06/2021 08:28:00


Last week, many of us reflected on the role of fathers in our lives, that
indelible print they leave in our life journey.
I wish to echo the many beautiful words and poems many shared with their beloved
fathers, and perhaps challenge you as a father to occupy your function.
Fatherhood is not just a position, but it is a function and responsibility that
must be lived by all who regard themselves as fathers, whether biological or
through adoption. Let me begin by saying that the greatest need of any child is
the presence of their parent – our children long and desire us to be present
in their lives.
Present
They want us to be present, not just when they are sad, but even when they are
happy, to share their achievements whether big or small. Being a present father
does not require much except for time and priority.
When last did you prioritise your child over everything else that preoccupies
you – putting all else aside for your child who needs just a fatherly moment
with you? Perhaps most fathers do not realise the importance of their function
in the lives of their children. Fathers provide more than just shelter, but must
create an environment for their children where they feel protected and enables
them to have the best shot in life. That environment is not measured by the
number of possessions within your reach, but it is measured by the valuable
lessons transferred to the younger ones. The question is, if you are absent, how
will you instill such treasures in your children? Absent fathers have missed
opportunities with their children, such as that timely advice and nudge before a
major life altering decision is made. Some think that they should be consulted
for the big decisions yet forget that this is a trust journey. If you have not
been around for the small decisions, how do I then come to you for the big ones?
Truth
The truth is, I do not know your counsel for me to trust it for big decisions.
Be present in your child’s life – be there even when it looks like you are
bending way too low. If you imprint that in your son or daughter’s young
heart, s/he will know that when in crossroads, you are the go-to-person. Being
present in your child’s life gives you the frontline row seat in the events in
your child’s life. You will not hear from others of the current happenings,
but from the horse’s mouth – this will undoubtedly give you insight to
his/her thinking pattern and help you to reshape corrosiveness before it
matures. Present fathers can attest to the many moments of intervention and
engaging conversations that shaped the outlook on life for both parent and
child.
Present fathers are able to forge good relationships with their children,
because they do not shy away from sensitive and uncomfortable conversations with
their children. As we have alluded earlier that the bond between parent and
child is constructed in trust – and trust is earned by working out the
relationship at a tender age. Your children should feel free to share anything
with you without the threat of being beaten thereafter. They should freely share
their fears, without feeling shame because their fears are being trivialised.
They should freely share their pains, disappointment and failures without
feeling worthless because they have not measured up to your high standards. This
has all to do with the environment that the father sets for his children. Is it
an environment where they will thrive regardless of their limitations and
inadequacies? An environment of love and nurturing where they are being taught
not only the difference between right and wrong, but also the difference between
right and good. Where they are encouraged to flourish in their different
personalities and diversities, where no one child is preferred over the others
because of personality uniqueness.
Personalities
Present fathers know the different personalities that exist among their children
and are not naïve to think that all children must have the same personality.
Each child is born with a unique personality toolset, equipped to him/her for
the fulfillment of their God-given purpose. For us as parents, our duty is to
guide as best, we know how. You have been celebrated as the hero, the best dad
in the whole world and for that we are filled with gratitude to know that there
are fathers out there who have played a significant role in their children’s
lives and those of loved ones.
However, my plea to all fathers is just to be present in the lives of your
children. Your presence in all the growth stages of your child’s life can be
the difference that our children need today – that still and composed guiding
voice; those broad shoulders willing to carry the load; that gentle, but firm
hand bringing encouragement when fear creeps in; that beaming and reassuring
smile regardless of missteps. Being a present father is setting up your child
for success – even God nominated Himself as the Father of the fatherless. To
those without fathers, be rest assured that our Heavenly Father will fill that
void Himself, cry out to Him and say Abba Father. He is a present father, never
leaving us and never forsaking us. Send comments to