Times Of Swaziland: DEAL WITH ABUSIVE MEN HARSHLY DEAL WITH ABUSIVE MEN HARSHLY ================================================================================ Mfanukhona Nkambule on 25/11/2023 06:07:00 The issue of gender-based violence (GBV) is a serious one. I thought the enactment of the Sexual Offences and Domestic Violence (SODV) Act of 2018 will frighten our fellow emaSwati. Findings in other countries suggest that most laws do reduce the chances of family or intimate violence. Research has shown how harsh laws deter would-be offenders from harming their families and partners. It’s rather a different kettle of fish in Eswatini where women and children are terribly abused. Violence against women has reached an alarming level. I support calls that government must declare GBV as a national disaster. It’s long overdue. We have to ensure that men charged with cases related to GBV are not admitted to bail and that their sentences range from 45 years to 82 years in jail. For murder cases, the country should pass a law that provides explicitly or authoritatively, without any compromise or consideration of extenuating circumstances, that the convicted person shall be sentenced to 99 years in jail. The life sentence should be 99 years. At the moment, the sentence of life imprisonment is not less than 25 years in the country. This is a joke. As long as the murdered person is cold in the grave, the murderer must be cold in jail. I still don’t understand why a man doesn’t walk out of an affair that he perceives as abusive, which is far better than killing his partner. It’s an indisputable fact that violence against women and girls is rooted in the patriarchal power imbalance between men and women. Dominant It is rooted in the dominant belief that men protect and provide for and have authority over their family. As men, we say good women prioritise their family’s health and wellbeing. We treat women as objects or subjects that we can to the cleaner at our convenience. All around the world, there are harmful beliefs that perpetuate GBV. As a matter of fact, GBV is a global concern. Oxfam International states that there are social norms which drive GBV. They include the following – Women must be submissive to male family members in all aspects of their lives. Rigid gender roles often result in the expectation that women be submissive to male family members. When married, women are expected to obey their husbands, act according to their wishes and not strive for equal decision making. If they transgress these norms they may face physical violence used by husbands as punishment or discipline. Men are expected to exercise coercive control. While women and girls are expected to be submissive, men are expected to exercise power and control in their families and relationships, which can manifest in various ways. In dating relationships, male dominance can appear in the form of monitoring mobile phones and social media. Men have the right to discipline women for ‘incorrect’ behaviour. Oxfam International’s research reveals that there is strong belief, among both women and men, that violence is acceptable and even necessary when used by men to discipline women for not delivering on their perceived responsibilities or when their behaviour transgresses social norms. Women cannot deny their male partner sex. In intimate relationships, women’s and girls’ choices over their bodies are dominated and controlled by their male partners and the belief that women’s bodies should always be available to men. These norms contribute to intimate partner rape and other forms of abuse, which are the most common form of violence against women and girls. Treatment Section 28 (1) of the Constitution of the Kingdom of Swaziland (Eswatini) provides that women have the right to equal treatment with men and that right shall include equal opportunities in political, economic and social activities. Subsection two provides that subject to the availability of resources, the government shall provide facilities and opportunities necessary to enhance the welfare of women to enable them to realise their full potential and advancement. It is stated in the Constitution that a woman shall not be compelled to undergo or uphold any custom to which she is in conscience opposed. One way to enhance the welfare of women is to protect them from harmful men. Sentences for men charged with SODV should be swift and harsher. It’s a shame when we murder or assault the people who carried us in their wombs for nine months. Outside their wombs, they gave us the essential breast milk that reduces the risk of high blood pressure, ovarian cancer and diabetes. This is the mother of your children. She takes care of them. Does she deserve to die in your hands? It’s a sin. It’s a transgression. Indeed, it cannot be tolerated because it is an abomination to the Supreme Being. Let us not kill our women folk. They are special. They beautify the universe. Without them, we are nothing. There is no happiness anywhere in the world without the presence of our wives and mothers. The excuse that men kill their wives or partners because they are disrespected or pushed to the limits by their partners is too lame to be considered for mitigation. It’s not a justification for domestic violence. If we were assaulting our wives or girlfriends before or we are doing it now, it is the right time that we all agree to stop it. It’s a pity we have children who are demanding justice for their mothers who were killed by their fathers. Their mothers are cold in the graves while their fathers are languishing in jail or out on bail. In the accused dock, they see their father facing charges for their mother’s murder. Children suffer double blow in situations in which they seek their mother’s justice from their father. It’s not a nice thing to be judged by your own conscience, on a daily basis, that you killed a human being. Kill A person was made in the image of God. As you kill her, you must know that you are killing someone who was made in the image of God. She was made or designed by God. His Majesty King Mswati III is correct in his view that there is no valid reason for killing a person, particularly in a domestic setting. Whether you caught her red-handed committing adultery, it is not a justification for killing her. Just thank God you have caught her and move on. Move on! I am aware of the feelings that come with it. They are hardly ever simple. Most of our NGOs in Eswatini focus mainly on the GBV symptoms. They are yet to teach a man how to control his emotions. They are doing an incredible job, I agree. They can do better. I can only ask for a different approach to gender-based violence. The focus should be on men as we are the chief perpetrators – the real culprits. Women hardly kill husbands. They often do so in self-defence. I am neither condoning the killing of men by women nor emotional abuse or financial abuse to which they are subjected. I usually go through Mind Tools’ stuff. This organisation makes good men. It says societies have long held stereotypical perceptions of how men handle their emotions. This is because men suffer from antiquated ideas of burying feelings using alcohol or drugs as a coping mechanism and even becoming physically abusive to avoid tackling the problem. Obviously, none of these methods are healthy. And perpetuating these stereotypes does nothing to help men find an outlet without feeling overshadowed by judgment. Men are just as prone to anxiety, depression and emotional difficulties as women. While it can be hard to be vulnerable, particularly if you’ve had a lifetime of experience shutting your feelings down, it’s important to find ways to deal with your feelings in a healthier way, Mind Tools states. It is said that suppressing one’s sadness and anxiety affects men in more ways than many people realise. In addition to being an underlying cause of anxiety, depression and other mental health disorders, suppressing emotions such as anger can impact your thinking and behavioural patterns and disrupt relationships. According to Mind Tools, it can also lead to physical problems such as: *Increasing the risk of blood pressure *Heart complications *Headaches *Migraines *Digestive problems Wellness writer Hannah Friedman observes that keeping a lid on negative emotions can also increase the risk of addiction. She says men suffer more from substance abuse and dependence than women do. My observation here is that with all of these problems associated with men’s depression or stresses, they take it out on women. Reach Out, an NGO-based in Australia, has dealt with cases of hurting partners and how to deal with such disappointments. My take is that men need urgent assistance. I know there are responsible and calm men in our society. However, the creation of the Men’s House Facebook Page and the number of people who joined it within 24 hours taught me a thing or two that the brothers of Adam and sisters of Eve are on a collision course. In order to avoid killing your partner, Reach Out advises that no matter what’s gone down, tell yourself that it’s never your fault that someone cheated on you. Be proud of yourself that you are not to blame and move on with life as I pointed out earlier. Avoid doing hurtful things for any reason you may think it’s justifiable to end human life. No person, I want to say again, has authority over human life. Recall the moment you were told that your loved one has passed away. How did you feel on that day? It was like God has turned against you. It was an unbelievable report that your son or daughter has passed away. When his coffin was lowered to the ground, you were obviously inconsolable. Five years after his or her death, things have changed a little bit. The feeling is not the same, that’s what I am trying to say. Accept that things are going to suck for a while. Eventually, you will heal. It may take time to heal, but you will eventually heal. Don’t fight something you can’t change. You found her or him cheating, you can’t change the situation. She or he cheated and you caught her red-handed. We can do better as men. It’s barbaric to assault or murder a woman.