Times Of Swaziland: WOMEN HAVE RIGHT TO HAPPINESS

WOMEN HAVE RIGHT TO HAPPINESS
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The Editor on 28/09/2018 04:14:00


Sir,
We have read with heavy hearts of the indignities and abuse that women have had
to endure at the hands of their so called ‘lovers’ but one wonders why? Why
do women stay and continue to take the humiliation and pain of living with an
abusive man?
To be frank, there are a number of reasons why women stay. Some stay in the name
of love. As bizarre as this may sound, everybody enters a relationship for love
and that emotion does not disappear easily or in the face of difficulties. In
fact we are taught from a very early age that true love endures all difficulty.
Some women stay because they have nowhere else to go. Complete financial
reliance on a man can force a woman to stay in a relationship that isn’t
working, especially if she has children. Raising children is an enormous
responsibility and doing it alone can be overwhelming, both emotionally and
financially.
Furthermore, abusive men often threaten to take the children should a woman
threaten to leave. There are no lengths a mother will not go to in order to keep
her children. It is also a fact that being a single parent is a very strenuous
experience under the best of circumstances. In many instances women are afraid
to leave because they fear their partners.
Another reason a woman will stay is because her partner pleads for forgiveness
and promises to reform and more often than not women want to believe this.
Besides, don’t people always say its better the devil you know than the angel
you don’t know? Most women feel that if the man apologises and seems
remorseful, it’s better to forgive him than to set off looking for a new man
who might treat her even worse. Needless to say, as the evidence points out,
abusive men seldom change their stripes!
Ladies, the abuse will continue. Begging for forgiveness does not mean that a
man will change his abusive nature.
Also, if you’ve been socialised to see your role in the family as that of a
caregiver, then leaving may be seen as some form of failure. Traditionally,
during marriage, women are told to expect the worst and that they should bear it
all because that is the role of a woman. This results in many women
internalising their pain and suffering not wanting to appear as though they are
failing at the institution of marriage. What they forget to consider, though, is
that they have a right to be happy. Agreeing to marriage does not mean you sign
away your right to happiness and safety.
On the other hand, men say they beat up on women because women no longer know
how to respect them. The issue of equality keeps cropping up where men say they
feel that when a woman earns within the same income bracket or more than the man
she tends to undermine her partner’s authority which then leads to discord in
the home. Infidelity has also been fingered as one of the biggest reasons men
hit women.
Religious beliefs have also contributed to women being unable to leave an
abusive partner simply because these beliefs reinforce the commitment to
marriage. The worst reason for staying is that of the women who believe they
deserve the beatings. This could be the result of a lifetime of witnessing abuse
or being abused which instilled a distorted sense of right and wrong when it
comes to abuse. “I had done wrong so it was his right to hit me,” or “He
cares for me and does this to show me the way, vele nangonile kumele ente njani
umntfwanebantfu?”  To all the beautiful intelligent women in the country,
there is absolutely no reason why you deserve to be beaten down.
Mother of four