Times Of Swaziland: JUST LET HER GO

JUST LET HER GO
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The Editor on 01/02/2019 02:55:00


Sir,
We have heard of a number of cases where most men killed their partners and
sometimes kill themselves because the partners no longer wanted to be in an
intimate relationship with them.
The word ‘rejection’ is every man’s nightmare, especially if it comes from
the opposite sex. Some say they don’t mind being rejected in job interviews
but not by a woman.
For some of us who have been through that route, and no life was lost, I can
tell you that as hard as it is to take; a break up is never a surprise. There
are times where you can tell of the warning signs but choose to ignore them,
which is why when it finally hits you it hits you really hard.
Society has created gender roles in such a way that a man’s sense of identity,
status, power and role – his ‘honour’ - depends on it being propped up and
reinforced by the compliance and conformity of those, particularly, women around
him. The challenge here becomes the societal humiliation on the man for his
bruised ego.
When you have tried and exhausted every effort to keep the relationship, there
is nothing more you can do as a relationship is made out of two willing
individuals.
Admit
You just have to admit that this is a good thing coming to an end.
Our society has continued to victimise women even after their death, labelling
them bad wives, or bad mothers and that she had done something to provoke the
angry man.
A study on young fathers describes how our cultural norms put pressure on men
and how they are made to negotiate the demands of being fathers in the
patriarchal context, and how their marginalized positions breed irresponsible
behaviour thus tying them to conducts that negatively impact them, not
necessarily because they are bad men.
The main challenge of every man always points back to society, peers, family and
the community which limits them from being themselves and not giving them the
support they deserve when they are faced with difficult situations.
When you have tried everything you could and no positive results are
forthcoming, it’s time to let go, life continues. Forget about your peers,
your family and community labelling you a failure, that won’t kill you. You
still have a chance to rebuild your life for a new relationship.
S Makama