Times Of Swaziland: BOYS WILL BE BOYS BOYS WILL BE BOYS ================================================================================ Editor on 14/06/2024 07:51:00 Sir, Tragedy patiently continues to creep through the door as more families are directly or indirectly touched by gender-based violence (GBV). GBV has overrun the country’s four regions, like a malignant cancer. As emaSwati, we have lost our way. The death of the girl child has become commonplace. Murder and rape cases are steadily increasing and no bus stop talk concludes without a sigh. What may we be doing wrong? Faults As a guy, I can’t stop feeling responsible for my brothers’ faults. What message are we sending our sons when we give them firearms as toys? From a young age, we use phrases like ‘boys will always be boys’ to brand terrible behaviour. We have forgotten our most treasured proverb; Lugotjwa lusemanti. Nothing is closer to the truth. We have failed as a society, and the prevalence ofGBV is our fault. It goes hand in hand with how we pollute the environment while complaining about terrible weather. We will be unable to eradicate this scourge as long as ‘tibi tendlu’ and ‘emendvweni kukamkhatsali’ are used to cover up abuse. How much poison can a person ingest before dying? The answer is ‘enough to kill him or her’. Dominance The kingdom is well-known for being a very patriarchal country, with many cultural and traditional events and activities that reinforce patriarchal behaviour and dominance over women. Teenage lads in the local spazas are given wrong perceptions about being a man by bomalume. They are told that girls can never say yes, so sometimes you have to show them whose boss; a micro misconception that has led to dire consequences. Until we understand the true version of leadership in society, we will continuously suffer. A man must inspire and not manipulate. We must go back to our old ways to amputate this scourge. A viable way to do this is through loving oneself. Relationships are healthy only if both parties are comfortable with themselves to the point that they are comfortable sharing themselves with someone else. We must stop seeking for validation from our spouses, because once we lose it, we are as good as lost, hence the abuse. Unless we change our mindset and love ourselves first, newspapers will continue screaming GBV headlines.