Times Of Swaziland: HUSBAND MARRIED MY STEPMUM

HUSBAND MARRIED MY STEPMUM
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Sicelo Maziya on 21/01/2023 09:06:00


MBABANE – In a rare incident, a woman has alleged that her 60-year-old husband
abandoned her and married her stepmother.
Thebe Shongwe of KaMkhweli, under Siphofaneni Inkhundla said her husband even
paid bride price (lobola) for her stepmother despite being in a legal marriage
with her. She claimed that her efforts of trying to discourage her husband from
continuing with the alleged affair with her stepmother were the cause of the
dissertation of their matrimonial home. She alleged that her husband continued
with the affair until he officially married the stepmother through customary
law.
Shongwe said soon after the marriage, the couple decided to relocate and started
a new family at Malindza. Shongwe said while her husband Luguzu Mlingo Nkomonye
decided to start a new life with the newfound love, leaving her in huge debt.
She alleged that when Nkomonye left her, he took a herd of 74 goats which left
her financially crippled. She said the herd of goats was profited from three
goats she received as a gift and as a budding farmer; she started rearing them
for sale.
Dowry
“My husband married my stepmother, paid lobola and started a new life at
Malindza. The unfortunate thing is that he took my goats with him and I believe
he did that on purpose, just to cripple me. The three goats were able to
multiply to a large herd that reached 74 and Nkomonye decided to go with them
just like that. Was it not enough that he paid lobola for my stepmother? The
goats were a product of my sacrifice and sweat. He even took proceeds from my
business of selling traditional brew (umcombotsi),” she said.
Shongwe disclosed that her husband had been away working in South African mines,
while she was home rearing the goats and living through the traditional brew
business. She said when her husband got a hefty payout in South Africa and when
he returned to the country, he was untouchable and blinded by the terminal
benefits. However, Shongwe alleged that Nkomonye started spending the money and
giving out short loans to anyone who needed money. She said she was only person
who was not given money by her husband who also refused to build a house for
them.
“I never got even a cent from him; he refused to even give me a mere E1 000
loan to buy enough stock for the small business of brewing the traditional
alcohol. Instead he abandoned me because I was pestering him about building a
house for our family,” said Shongwe. Shongwe disclosed that in the heat of the
moment she had to learn to live with her anger in order to avoid doing anything
detrimental. Indvuna of the area, Khanyisa Matse confirmed knowledge of the
matter. Matse said he was not comfortable discussing family matters with the
media. He acknowledged that the matter of the couple was brought to the Madlenya
traditional structures as the couple were residents of the area.
However, Matse said as a traditional structure, they felt it was too early to
assist on the matter before they exhaust all other family resolution structures.
He said the matter was concluded by requesting the two families, the Shongwe and
the Nkomonye to engage each other on the issue. “We asked them to deliberate
and bring their resolution to the traditional structure for a blessing on their
resolution,” said Matse.
He said it was unfortunate that the family has not returned to inform the
traditional body of their resolution was on the matter. Matse said the reason he
felt it was not easy for him to share the details of the couples was based on
the fact that they had not given them any feedback.When pressed on the issue of
Nkomonye marrying his mother-in-law as alleged by the woman, Matse said that was
hearsay, which he could not confirm as the issue might be out of jealousy. He
insisted that the matter would be better tackled at the community level once the
family returns with their resolution.
Meanwhile; Swatini Action Group Against Abuse (SWAGAA) Communications officer
Sakhile Dlamini said what the local authorities were doing on the matter was
criminal. Dlamini said the passing of the Sexual Offences and Domestic Violence
Act of 2018 (SODV) into law was to help families and community leadership from
dealing with such matters that could be dealt with perfectly by the courts of
the land. She said while it was nice that community structures do try to
reconcile families, it was not the end of the matter.
Patriarchal
Dlamini said while the community tried to resolve the matter, the criminal
justice was in a better position to give fairly legal redress on the matter. She
said she might not be aware of the matter but what she was getting was that
there were elements of patriarchal privileges being afforded to the man.
Dlamini said these issues were sickening that a man would abandon his home and
when he returns sickly and demands to be allowed to the land that has been
developed by the abandoned woman.
She said women had rights and deserve to be treated with respect by the
community leadership. “It’s even worse when the land issue has subjected her
to lose her dividends shares.  That’s an abuse and an infringement of the
rights of the woman. The courts are there for everyone and the matter was better
placed there,” said Dlamini.
She encouraged her to raise the issue with the courts not to allow the community
leadership structure to be her last resort. However, Dlamini said they were
worried about the challenges that women face in the country. She said such
husbands returned only to bring their masculinity. She said the traditional
structures should interrogate such behaviour and further refrain from basing
their decision only on their cultural beliefs while on issues with the potential
of danger such as land. Dlamini further assured that they were taking up the
matter of the woman.