Times Of Swaziland: ‘GBV AND ITS UGLY FACE’

‘GBV AND ITS UGLY FACE’
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Runsford Laryea on 17/09/2024 07:06:00


THE issue of gender-based violence is one that consistently shows off its ugly
head, consistently peering through our homes and those of our loved ones. For
obvious reasons, this cannot be something that we pride ourselves on as a nation
because, besides fracturing the essence of familial bonds, it exposes the
younger, watching generation to scenes that damage them for life.
Relationships
Fair enough, the complexities of relationships and marriages cannot be fully
understood by an ‘observing bystander’ like myself, however, it is when the
resolution becomes to violently solve those complexities that the problem then
arises. In most cases, the perpetrator normally comes from the male side of the
relationship but it is equally important to not ignore that males also go
through similar (or even worse) abuse and violence at the hands of their
spouses. This, not only highlights that there exists conflict on both sides of
the relationship spectrum but also that there are signs of a deep misconception
about the handling of and dealing with relationship and matrimonial conflicts.
Ideally, a route toward conflict and misunderstanding resolution should not have
to pass through the employment of violence or violence-related techniques
because those actually do more damage than good. The damage is not only physical
nor for the immediate term, it is rather the medium-to-long term
psycho-emotional repercussions that tend to linger for the longest of time.
Confidence
The victim is likely to lose confidence in themselves, lose confidence in the
‘sanctity’ of relationships, they may feel hard to love or get along with,
also, emotionally, they may tend to become emotionally unstable and volatile. In
the context of a relationships, for instance, it raises the question as to why
one would see it fit to exercise acts of harm on their partner instead of the
more subtle art of conversing? Is it because we have lost our communal sense as
families and friends enough to intervene in issues as such? Why do our people
perceive such behaviour as the most viable option in times of conflicts with the
ones we ‘so-called’ love? The responses to these may vary but if you ask me,
electing to express your discontent or anger through physically harming the one
you love is primitive behaviour that has no place in modern society.
My concern largely rests with the children who are normally embroiled in
households that expose them to scenes of gender-based violence. For them, the
experience is beyond traumatising especially because they are witnessing the
battering of and the inhumane demeaning of that parents’ existence as a person
(regardless of which one it is) which creates a skewed perception of the whole
purpose of a relationship in their young heads. They internalise such behaviour
as ‘standard’ and since younger children operate under a
‘monkey-see-monkey-do’ principle, the sad truth is, it is only a matter of
time before they also start practicing similar traits in their own lives as they
grow older.Besides that, in children who grow up in those kinds of environments,
there tends to brew in them a hatred for especially the perpetrating partner. In
fact, most adults who grew up in such socially tense households are most likely
to still harbour resentment attached to how their alcoholic father physically
harmed their mother or vice versa. This goes to show how deep the pits of
bitterness brought about by witnessing such trauma run; which sometimes seeps
into their perceptions of that particular gender in general.
Injuries
The injuries incurred as well as the deaths claimed by gender-based violence
incidents last a lifetime which only shows that the only way to solve sources of
discontent is through conversing and communicating. Tagging a third party (like
a therapist or counsellor) to assist in dissipating arguments and relationship
conflicts would not be the worst idea because it is fair to say sometimes things
do get heated and maybe involving someone you can both trust, may work well for
the status of the relationship.Send comments to runsford0505@gmail.com