Times Of Swaziland: HAPPPPPPY XMAS!

HAPPPPPPY XMAS!
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By Shwashwaza on 22/12/2018 08:21:00


HapppppppppY Xmas ...
Wuwi, sangena Gazi, singena just on the last weekend before we celebrate phela
Khisimusi bhokisi. Singena on a Saturday when everybody is loaded. Ngisho
nalabahola kanye ngemnyaka Gazi sebaholile nyalo. Nebafethu ema-hustlers nawo
sekaholile kwatise kutsi phela Tuesday sekuvele kunjalo, sengulo-Khisimusi
bhokisi. Njengoba nelive ke Gazi liku le national prayer, sisho yona Incwala,
nanatsi we pray kutsi konkhe kuhambe kahle.
Ngiko nje Gazi we have released some of the crew members layingatja kutsi ahambe
ayojuba lusekwane and nanatsi we have been dancing Incwala kwatise kutsi
ayibukelwa. During this time of the year phela Gazi, we just let everything
loose, asibambeki. Before ke sichubeke naleminye imisebenti yelive sitsi nje
nanatsi siyi-Shwashwaza Sports Crew asente nje ngenjwayelo sikhiphe tipho
taKhisimusi nalonyaka. We do not mean any harm Gazi but siyapha nje bantfu
ngendlela yakhona. Nazoooooooo ... Tsatsa lokungekwakho
SIHLANGU SEMNIKATI:
(Two months’ confinement at Bhalekani Prison)
The entire team, including the technical bench yabo-Anthony deserves to be held
under hostage bangadli lutfo leBhalekane Prison and subjected to heavy manual
work for embarrassing the country so much in the AFCON qualifiers naleku-COSAFA.
How can a team fail to win one game in all the qualifiers?
What did that David Bright we-Botswana say about Sihlangu? “A confused team,
you don’t know who is playing where!”
That just summed up everything about the confusion in motion Sihlangu has been
under the inept Anthony Mdluli. What did we expect anyway? Huuuu ...
KOSTADIN PAPIC:
(Butseka initiation)
The new Sihlangu cozach who is set to take over in January needs to go under the
Butseka initiation so that nemadloti naboNkulunkulu belive batomemukela. We all
remember how he infused an attack-minded football in the Soweto Buccaneers and
we hope he can bring the same mentality to our national team and help revive our
fortunes as a country. We love you already ‘Bill Clinton’ but nyalo udzinga
ligama lasemabutfweni because this is the Kingdom of Eswatini.
NATIONAL UNDER-17 SQUAD:
(Two week attachment at Pretoria High Performance Centre)
The Under-17 squad has done well in both COSAFA and Region V games in Botswana
recently but certainly they lack strength as they could not break the brawny
Angolans. A fortnight at Pretoria’s High Performance Centre will help them a
lot. They are our future, no doubt!
ESWATINI FOOTBALL ASSOCIATION:
(Psychologist)
After a number of their members lost in the national elections and senate race,
perhaps the members do need a psychologist to help them recover from the stress.
It is showing in some of the decisions taken by the Executive Committee that
some of the members are not thinking straight. A little prayer also would do.
Where is Pastor Mboro when we need him?
PREMIER LEAGUE
OF ESWATINI:
(Legal advisor)
The Premier League of Eswatini suffered irreparably damage at the sudden death
of its charismatic chairman Victor ‘Maradona’ Gamedze and the journey ever
since has been riddled with potholes as the new leadership tries to make amends.
The organisation needs a strategic plan going forward and most importantly a
legal advisor to sort out the many clauses on the sponsorship agreements which
have proven to be counter-productive to football.
GREEN MAMBA
(Miniature MTN league)
Having won the MTN League 2018/19 season first round, the ‘Correctional
Services’ side deserves a miniature trophy to help them focus on the even
bigger prize – the league trophy at the end of the season. Caleb Ngwenya’s
charges should take the exit in the Ingwenyama Cup as a blessing in disguise in
concentrating on the ultimate prize and they have the squad to win it.
MBABANE SWALLOWS
(New sponsor and owner)
The current situation at the club which has seen coach Thabo ‘Koki’ Vilakati
being made a sacrificial lamb in the bigger malaise eating the club tells of a
sad tale of a club on the decline. The current way of management is not working.
The club needs a new big sponsor and owner who understands football like its
late owner, Victor Gamedze. There is more to football than just prayer!
MANZINI WANDERERS
(New Board of Directors)
With the new boss Mehluli Nhlengetfwa set to officially take over next week, he
clearly needs a proper structure of a Board of Directors who will be willing to
fork out money and not rely on the Premier League of Eswatini (PLE) to fund the
club on their behalf. Wanderers need a proper structure and Nhlengetfwa seems to
have an idea of what he wants to do with the club starting with putting in place
a good technical bench and adding new experienced players. A complete overhaul
is necessary.
ESWATINI MTN:
(More profits)
The Mobile telecommunications company has done a lot for Eswatini football and
maybe more profits in their kitty would also mean our league would benefit more.
It’s a Moja network indeed!
ESWATINI MOBILE:
(Tenfold growth)
The new Mobile telecommunications Company is a year old now and their support to
football especially the big three teams is commendable. We wish them growth
ten-folds so that they can continue to partner with football and other projects
to uplift the social aspect of society. We have no doubt when they do well they
will continue to work, connect and serve our football and the nation at large.
MUSA DLAMINI
(Goal King trophy)
We know it’s still a long way to go but we give him, for starters, the First
round Goal king trophy and hopefully he can go on and win the big one at the end
of the season. He has been visiting the net with unmatched regularity.
SIKHALI NDZINISA
(Head guard)
With his imminent and much-awaited return to the playing fields, a head guard to
protect his head would be a good idea. He needs it so that he can concentrate on
doing what he knows best – scoring those wondrous goals!
RICHARD MCCREESH
(Year supply of Yogi sip)
We have struck a deal with Parmalat Eswatini to supply him with his favourite
Strawberry flavoured Yogi Sip so that he cannot go to Pick N’ Pay and
embarrass himself. He has a sweet tongue and a very educated right foot which he
uses to dish out some defence freezing passes!
SANDANEZWE MATHABELA
(Holy Bible)
After a disastrous season especially the last three months of the year, he needs
a Holy Bible which he needs to read so that he can free his mind and feed his
soul. His goalkeeping howlers for both club and country have undermined his
talent this season. Please pray hard dear brother, pray even harder! God is
great!
THABO ‘KOKI’ VILAKATI
(New Wanderers T-shirt and replica)
Since he coached the maroon and white outfit more than three years ago, he has
added a few kilos so as he prepares to make his return to the country’s
arguably most supported side, he would need a new T-shirt and replica that will
fit him nicely. Siyakuvuma Khokhe, Babe Elijah Vilakati!
NYANGA ‘CROOKS’ HLOPHE
(New Ford Ranger)
His Toyota Corolla has seen better days and after his undoubted huge
contribution to Wanderers (which other coach in the premier league can work so
diligently almost for free?) he deserves a new Ford Ranger as he embarks on a
new life after Wanderers.
TZD SPORTS CLUB
(Huge sponsorship)
The new sports club formed by former Premier League of Eswatini CEO, Zakhele
Dlamini deserves a huge sponsorship because in just a few months they have
proven they are capable of changing the outlook of sports in the country.
MINISTER OF SPORTS, CULTURE AND YOUTH AFFAIRS:
(New spectacles)
The former Sihlangu coach needs new spectacles so that he can clearly see the
path he needs to take to turn things around for our sports. There is just too
much rot ye-‘Madze’, you need to clean it out. Kubolile nje!