WHY RELATIONSHIPS DON’T LAST

Sir,

One of the major obstacles we encounter nowadays is our identity.

You often find people struggling with the way they should behave under different situations and circumstances.
That is why there comes a time when you should understand yourself better before you get to understand others and relate to them.

This helps in terms of broadening your social circumstances first, which should be prioritised by individuals. Where am I going with this assertion? Let me try and elaborate.
Albert Einstein once said, “You cannot solve the problems you cause with the solutions at the same level.”

Bishop Bismarck interpreted it and said, “Problems implicated or caused in level one thinking, must be solved by level two thinking.” In simple terms, you need to step up from the level of thinking that you are in today in order to deal with the problems you face on a daily basis.

By staying on the same level where you have created the problem, your life has come to a standstill. Economic Freedom fighters (EFF) leader Julius Malema once said, before we solve the problems of the people working in farms, cleaners, gardeners, kitchen workers the country is not making any progress.

Malema advocated that the government needs to step down to the level of the poor, so that they progress in life and step out of their poverty-stricken lives.
It is the same with our God. Before you step up for your own problem and seek solutions, he is not going to jump into the scene just because you are feeling the heat.

He needs you to step up on your own and take charge of your own circumstances. Besides, he has already done everything, now the problem is with us.
My mentor, Pastor Charles Simelane usually says, “A problem is not the problem but it is how you perceive the problem.”

He says, the problem lies with us because we do not want to take responsibility and deal with ourselves first. We are always pointing fingers at each other.
One thing that frustrates the Christian fraternity are the verses found in Ephesians Chapter Five, which say, “Husbands, love your wives, and wives submit to your husbands” (paraphrased).
Now what is the problem here? The wives are pointing fingers at the husbands and they say that the men must love them first before they submit, while husbands articulate that the wives must first submit so that they will love them. What a debate.

This one is complicated, yet simple - very simple.
Each individual needs to serve the interest of the other, rather than being served. The husband must forgo his life and serve the wife and vice-versa.
For example, in a relationship, most people want a partner who is going to give him or her joy and satisfy all their personal needs. That is a wrong basis.
That is why relationships these days last as little as a week.

We call that ‘umlilo wemaphepha’ (spontaneous event).
I read that one man divorced his wife after three weeks of marriage. The reason was that what they anticipated marriage to be was not what they were experiencing.
We will get some time, later, to address the fundamentals of lasting relationships, both in church and outside.

Sometimes we have the wrong mentality of what relationships are and get heart broken in the process. Ladies and gentlemen, life is supposed to be enjoyed rather than endured.
We are supposed to wake up each day with the enthusiasm of a day filled with possibilities, opportunities, ideas, forgetting the past and focusing on the future that awaits us.

That is why we need to come out of our shadow and live our lives to the fullness of what God has planned for us.
Our job is to have the overcoming power and live above our problems. There may be people who discourage, hate, slander, gossip, humiliate and crush you, but even right there you must rise above such and think in another level.
Let them talk, but in the end you shall have the last laugh. Till we meet again, smile.

Menzi Kunene
MBABANE

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