MARRIAGE NOT DESIGNED TO REMOVE SINGLENESS

Sir,

Most people think and believe that plan ‘A’ is to get married and have children. If this doesn’t work out, they settle for plan ‘B’, which is viewed as a sorry state of affairs, or a sub human option. 

Marriage is not necessarily superior to being single. Marriage life has its own challenges just like being single. 

Marriage is not designed to remove your being single, but rather to enhance your uniqueness as an individual. The Bible does not equate being single to being bad. 

Actually it is dangerous to rush into marriage if you haven’t embraced and understood your singleness, because you will always demand from your partner what they are not able to give you, wholeness. 

Symptoms

Many people who rush into marriage before they see themselves as whole, unique and worthy individuals will always manifest symptoms of low self-image. If we fail to being single, marriage may not work for us. 

When we get married because we want to solve the problem of being alone, we are headed for frustrations. 

There are thousands of lonely married couples all over the world, so the key to being happy and fulfilled is not marriage, but cultivating your uniqueness, wholeness and who you really are in God.

As a single person you can live a joyful and meaningful life. Whatever level of singleness you find yourself at, it is always important to embrace and celebrate your singleness. Actually the real meaning of singleness is separate, unique and whole. We must learn to maximise our uniqueness. 

Unique

When God created Adam, according to Genesis 2:15, He placed him in the garden. Adam was a whole, unique and happy man who really never asked God for a partner. It was actually God, who said it is not good for such a unique and responsible man to be alone. Adam was busy taking care of the garden. 

As a single person you also have a garden, get busy with it. Genesis 2:15 gives us a description of what Adam was supposed to be doing in the garden; “Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it.” 

Adam had the responsibility of tending, keeping and cultivating the garden. To tend means to attend to, care for, maintain, manage, nurse and nurture. To ‘keep’ comes from the Hebrew word shamar, meaning to hedge about, to guard and protect. 

To cultivate means to foster growth or to prepare for growth. In order to maximise our singleness we must get busy tending, keeping and cultivating our garden. There must be growth in our garden of life. 

Celebrate

Always remember this; marriage is designed to enhance who you are, not to imprison your uniqueness. Therefore celebrate your ‘singleness’, grow in your uniqueness and refuse to be pressured by people around you. You are unique and whole, enjoy it and celebrate it. A word to tell all of us married people; we must stop pressurising, judging and having suspicious attitudes towards unmarried people.  

Charles

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