INTIMATE PARTNER ABUSE BARBARIC

 Sir,

We are really worried about what relationships are turning into. A man who got you pregnant and makes you his sit-in lover has absolutely no right to control you and your moves. The fact that he feeds you, clothes you and pays rent doesn’t give him the right to treat you as his object. After all, he is doing that out of love, not responsibility. Abuse is not allowed even in marriage settings, how much more a man who has not made you his wife. Men are really losing it. Being silent about an abusive relationship will not do your relationship any good. 

Remorseful

Yes, he abused you today and seemed remorseful about it, which is why you decided to forgive him and open a brand new page. Tomorrow the abuse will be doubled and because you have gotten used to his battering you will bottle your feelings up. Intimate partner abuse should be reported as early as possible. One should not wait until he beats your face up to a swell, but know the early signs of abuse and act on it immediately.

Violent

It is common for victimised women to jump back into relationships with their abusive lovers. After a violent incident, these lovers go through a ‘honeymoon phase’ during which the abuser may apologise profusely, giving the victim gifts and persuading her to stay. But when that period is over, the abuser goes back to his old ways. The reasons for returning to an abusive partner may relate back to the days of early humans who had to fend for themselves in the wild. Financial and security reasons have led to dependency in such relationships, such that to leave an attachment relationship meant certain death by starvation. 

It is really important that a woman reaches out and gets support from friends, family or counselors who can help her see that she does not deserve to go back to that prison of a relationship. The goal is to stop intimate partner violence before it begins, because abuse is a cycle, once it starts, it is never determined to stop unless you break the chain of abuse by breaking the silence!

N M

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