UNLEARNING TOXIC TRAITS HARD

Sir,

Kindly allow me to dish out my two cents worth of opinion on the concerning issue of unlearning toxic traits from a very toxic relationship. To the best of my knowledge love is supposed to be pure, beautiful and one’s safe haven. However, this generation has cajoled relationships into a circus where we accept breadcrumbs just to have someone, when we are fully aware that we deserve better. What happened to the old school kind of love that gave us goosebumps and butterflies in the stomach just by the mere thought of having a certain person as yours?

Anger

Where is this unfading anger, hatred and brutality suddenly surfacing its ugly head from? Truth is, we get romantically involved with total strangers with different backgrounds, upbringing, IQ levels, social beliefs and intentions. With that being said, we somewhat end up linking, connecting, vibing, consequently falling in love with each other and aspire to start a family together.  Fast forward to the future, true colours are unmasked giving one no choice but to make a decision if what is being revealed about their partner is worth forever.

Wounds

We are dating souls with gaping wounds; wounds that we never inflicted on them but somehow have to heal them. Some have been raised in violent environments, where abuse is the only language they understand. They carry that mentality which automatically poses a threat to what promises to be a happy ever after. I have had first-hand experience of being in such a relationship for 10 years where physical, emotional, psychological and financial abuse was the order of the day.

Impact

This has a massive impact on the relationship I’m in right now with the most incredible, amazing and calm man, who is not violent. With being beaten, yelled at, scolded and being deprived being the love language I was used to, him loving me calmly and gently sends me on a roller coaster of emotions I can’t tame; isn’t he supposed to beat me up if I do something wrong to show that he really loves me ? That’s what I foolishly thought. The hardest part is unlearning all those toxic traits and adapting to the love language of your now partner, but the trick question is how many love languages are we going to learn until we settle with the right one. Are we asking for too much if we just ask for love, protection, security and peace from our significant other? Is it too late to just love each other according to our individual love languages? All it takes is listening, observing, communicating and taking action accordingly, then we are home free. Truth is, we are all wounded by our past, however, your pain must not be a first class ticket to you losing someone who is down for you. Be love and spread love.

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