BEING WOMAN IN ESWATINI HEAVY BURDEN TO BEAR

Sir,

I am a woman in Eswatini and that is a very heavy burden to bear. All I see are triggers everywhere. I was once married to a fine young man who showered me with gifts. He had such grand gestures of affection and romance. Then something changed; he started being controlling and jealous. We fought over the reluctance I had to changing my last name, we fought over if I was being honest with him when I was going to the gym in the evenings.

Fought

We fought over why I had a password on my phone if I had nothing to hide and if I was changing my hair because other man liked it a certain way. He was glaringly descending onto treacherous grounds but I did not see it. Time passed, with each new rule he conjured I would adopt and internalise it with a narrative of trying to be the good wife. He started calling my friends to verify if I was really with them on supposed lunch outs with them. Still I saw no crime - he was protective and concerned. Then a particularly unique incident happened; I was at home after a fight we had had. He demanded I take pictures to prove I was indeed home. I quickly did as ordered. It still did not diffuse the anger he was lashing out at me. At that moment I realised there really was nothing I could possibly do to appease him. In his eyes I plotted elaborate schemes and plots and needed constant monitoring to be contained.

Rules

It was exhausting. I had too many rules to uphold, too many things to remember so as to not aggravate him. It was a miserable existence. I started feeling like life had been slowly leaving my body, I was dying inside. With each attack I would shrink further into an indescribable darkness. I suddenly couldn’t even trust my own voice within, his opinion of me had grown far louder than my own. This man had slowly been killing me for years. The bouquets and gifts had blinded me. I was in terrible shape within. I would cry inconsolably for no reason. I was a mess but couldn’t quite articulate where this despair was stemming from. Fast forward to today. I feel like my old self again. I left that broken man who was hell-bent on dragging me into the abyss alongside him. Something in me has changed. I do not want to see a woman go through such nonsense. He does not have to physically beat you to kill your spirit. The SODV Act was meant to be our saving grace, when it came out we rejoiced quietly in our many corners of the country.

However, the misuse of the Act is violating the very reason we needed it for. I appeal to women and men of Eswatini not to contaminate what is meant to save drowning souls. However the work to protect women is not over; we still have two grounds of divorce in this country. What are we saying about abusive marriages? Are we saying let the women stew in this misery - when they’ve had enough report it and we will simply fine a man and send him back home? Abuse is a cycle. We need to help others break the cycle or things will get worse and the next thing she’s dead and all people say is; “What a shame, she was so beautiful,” and simply turn over the page of the newspaper. Surely we can do better.

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