ESCAPE FROM TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

Madam,

Being a woman in Eswatini is a very heavy burden to bear. All I see are triggers everywhere. I was once married to a fine young man who showered me with gifts; he made such grand gestures of affection and romance. Completely devoted to me, I was the apple of his eye. I knew it; I felt it in his forehead kisses every night and his warm embraces. I lived for these – I had finally found love. I was committed to being a good wife; to love him dearly, care for his family and support him through all seasons in his life.

Comments

Then something changed; he started being controlling and jealous. At first it was over ‘kind’ comments from men on my social media platforms. He would comb through my Facebook feed for how men reacted to whatever I had posted. Evenings at home would be fireworks I tell you! “Why did so-and-so call you ‘dear’? What is happening between you two? I’ve always suspected something.”  I started asking my male friends not to be even remotely affectionate online. They found my requests ridiculous and preposterous as nothing was going on between us. Then a particularly unique incident happened; I was at home after a fight we had had. He demanded I take pictures to prove I was indeed home. I quickly did as ordered by my darling husband. It still did not diffuse the anger he was lashing out at me. At that moment, I realised there really was nothing I could possibly do to appease him of this conviction in his soul of being married to a witch from the depths of hell.

In his eyes I plotted elaborate schemes and plots and needed constant monitoring and watch to be contained. I was a mess but couldn’t quite articulate where this despair was stemming from. Fast forward to today. I feel like my old self again. I left that broken man who was hell- bent on dragging me into the abyss alongside him. Something in me has changed. I do not want to see a woman go through such nonsense. He does not have to physically beat you to kill your spirit. The SODV Act was meant to be our saving grace; when it came out we rejoiced quietly in our many corners of the country.

Reason

However, the misuse of the Act is violating the very reason we needed it for. I appeal to women and men of Eswatini not to contaminate what is meant to save drowning souls.
However, the work to protect women is not over; we still have two grounds of divorce in this country. What are we saying about abusive marriages? Are we saying let the women stew in this misery – when they’ve had enough report it and we will simply fine a man and send him back home? Abuse is a cycle. We need to help others break the cycle or things get worse and next thing she’s dead and all people say is ‘what a shame, she was so beautiful’, and simply turn over the page of the newspaper. Surely we can do better.

Healing

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