REALITIES OF MARRIAGE AND ACCOUNTABILITY

Sir,

I am writing to address an issue that has been on my mind for some time regarding the institution of marriage and the dynamics of responsibility within it. It seems that in our society, we often overlook the complexities and challenges that accompany marital relationships.If individuals are not prepared to confront these challenges head-on, I firmly believe they should reconsider their readiness for marriage altogether. Marriage is not a mere romantic endeavour; it is a significant commitment that demands emotional maturity, resilience, and a willingness to work through difficulties.

Trend

Unfortunately, there appears to be a trend in which some individuals, particularly men, are quick to condemn women for the failures within their relationships while neglecting to acknowledge their own roles in these issues. The narrative often places women in the position of perpetual victims, while men who engage in extramarital affairs, for instance, are rarely held accountable for their actions. Consider this: if a man engages in relationships with numerous married women—let’s say 400, as an exaggerated example—why is it that the blame is predominantly directed at women? We must ask ourselves why the focus is consistently on the women involved, rather than on the man who chose to act in such a manner. This imbalance in accountability is indicative of a larger societal issue. The system has been constructed in a way that allows men to evade responsibility, while women are expected to shoulder the blame for the consequences of these actions. This dynamic is not only unfair, but also perpetuates the cycle of victimhood that many women experience.

Expectations

The expectations placed on women often lead to a culture where they are seen as responsible for maintaining the sanctity of marriage, regardless of the actions of their partners. When a marriage falters, society tends to scrutinise the woman’s behaviour, questioning her fidelity, her worthiness and her role in the breakdown of the relationship. Meanwhile, the man often escapes scrutiny, his actions excused or minimised. It is crucial to recognise that marriage is a partnership, and both parties must take responsibility for its success or failure. If a man is unfaithful, he should be held accountable for his choices, just as a woman should be. The narrative that women are solely to blame for the issues in relationships serves to undermine the progress we have made towards gender equality.

It is time we shift our perspective and hold both men and women accountable for their actions. Furthermore, marriage should be entered into with the understanding that challenges will arise. If individuals are not equipped to face these difficulties, they should carefully consider whether they are ready to commit to such a profound relationship. It is all too easy to romanticise marriage without acknowledging the hard work it requires. Love is not always enough to sustain a marriage; it requires effort, communication, and mutual respect. In light of these realities, I urge those contemplating marriage to take a step back and reflect on their motivations and readiness. Are they prepared to navigate the complexities that marriage entails?

Responsibilities

Are they willing to accept their responsibilities within the relationship? If not, it may be wiser to stay away from marriage until they are truly ready to face its challenges. In conclusion, let us work towards creating a society where accountability is shared, and where both men and women are empowered to take responsibility for their actions. It is time to break the cycle of victimhood and embrace a more equitable approach to relationships. By doing so, we can foster healthier marriages and promote a culture of respect and accountability. Thank you for considering my perspective on this important issue.

Phiwa Phathaphatha Dlamini

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