BOUND BY IGNORANCE

Sir,

“Ignorance may be bliss, but it certainly is not freedom; except in the minds of those who prefer darkness to light and chains to liberty.” Robert Hugh Benson (Intellectual Slavery).

It is funny how we always know when something bad is going to happen; that uneasy feeling that does not seem to go away until its warnings are fulfilled. Like when you have that strong feeling that you should pack your laptop today, but choose not to anyway and then end up needing it at work or at school for that due assignment that you somehow finished but regrettably forgot about, or how you should wear a warm jacket today when going out but the sun’s out so you leave it only for the temperatures to drastically drop just once you have reached town. These are all indicators of the superficial ability of ignoring our natural instincts that we homosapiens possess.

Some might call it ironically unintelligent as we constantly aim to prove to ourselves (and to each other) how intellectually superior we are as human beings but constantly display psychological ignorance as illustrated by living an umbrella when our guts tell us that it is going to rain today.

Irresponsibility

I would say this innate irresponsibility is clearly depicted in our relationships, which is a wide spectrum in which we all can relate to. That unending sense of not belonging or rather the immense feelings of being unsatisfied are all supposed to be signs to immediately leave that particular space; however, we intentionally ignore such indications and choose to be emotionally suffocated.

The stoics believed that one’s emotions are directly influenced by their physical and psychological surroundings , suggesting that if one is unhappy in that particular space they must then leave immediately, for the pains of leaving are much better than those of staying. Results of ignoring our instincts in relationships give birth to toxicity, anxiety as well as the dreaded depression.

Having once been in that particular situation, I do not blame you for staying in that mental prison you call a relationship. Why? Well, because I understand that the desire for the continuity of that relationship stems from a deeper narrative that is invisible to the spectator’s eyes.

Mistakes

Could it be the countless relationships that failed to succeed prior this one that you are in, now you feel obliged to rectify your mistakes in an attempt to remove the mark you subconsciously placed on yourself as ‘being the problem’? Could it be not your own, but your parents’ failed relationships now you just don’t want to end up like them? Perhaps it is that strong fear of loneliness, because you undoubtedly believe that if this relationship does not succeed, you will go back to living alone and have no one talk to whenever you’re feeling down?

Whatever it is, staying in a toxic environment does not guarantee that the hole in your soul will be filled; however, you will constantly be reminded how broken you truly are and consequently feel like a problem for the entirety of the relationship. Myself I struggle from anxiety and depression that stemmed from my parents’ divorce 13 years ago, I felt unloved and confused. No one offered any clarity on that subject till this day, but I’ve managed to deal with all of this (or rather ignore it) through doing the things I love alone and enjoying my own space to the fullest.

Regardless, I always felt lonely but being in the relationship I was in resulted in constant psychological battles of whether I am doing enough? Or should I say this to her or do this? In that process I was constantly reminded of how much of ME was actually missing but here I am trying to make an US with this person.

Truly speaking, the major reason of me staying was the fear of hurting my significant other irrespective of how she constantly hurt me emotionally through the things she’d say and how she’d say them.
I always told myself that I love her, and what’s more funny is that in situations like these we tend to give ‘love’ our own definitions, with pain as a reference.
Decisions
Parts of our brains are still able to make some reasonable decisions despite the fact that we have (over the courses of our lives) developed buffering mechanisms and have become ignorant to signs of emotional stress, toxic environments and the inevitability that the depression is just going to get worse. I believe that it is well within our power and our rights to take that leap of faith and immediately remove ourselves from bad relationships, let go of the hope that it will get better ‘we can fix things’ you say. Seek professional help before entering a new relationship after ending this one and make sure to scrub all the nooks and crannies of your subconscious self in an aim to build a more emotionally intelligent you. Sure, every relationship has it downside but is it worth the stress?

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