‘GIRLFRIEND ALLOWANCES’ FRUSTRATE MEN

MBABANE – “Men have expressed frustration over the perceived financial demands placed on them by their partners, including expectations of ‘girlfriend allowances’ and other monetary support”.
This is according to Nomzamo Dlamini, the Gender Coordinator in the Deputy Prime Minister’s Office (DPMO). Dlamini was speaking during the launch of the 16 Days of Activism against gender-based violence (GBV) which was held at the UN House in Mbabane yesterday. The 16 Days of Activism against GBV was launched under the theme: ‘Together, let us end GBV/Sisonke’, which is a local theme. The 16 Days of Activism is a global initiative that seeks to raise awareness, promote advocacy and inspire action to combat GBV.  Dlamini revealed that public consultations have highlighted several factors contributing to the alarming rise in GBV cases in Eswatini.

She shared insights from their engagements with different stakeholders and members of the public, where she stated that societal attitudes and behaviours play a significant role in perpetuating GBV. According to Dlamini, one concern raised by the public is the commercialisation of relationships. She said men, particularly expressed frustration over the perceived financial demands placed on them by their partners, including expectations of girlfriend allowances and other monetary support. This, according to Dlamini, has led to a sense of entitlement and control, where men believe that financial contributions grant them ownership of their partners.

money

Some believe that if they give you money, it means that you belong to them. You listen to my terms and my money determines the terms for this relationship,” Dlamini said.
Adding, she said the pervasive issue of substance abuse, particularly among young people, has been identified as also a major contributor to GBV. Dlamini noted a growing trend of young people engaging in risky behaviours, such as excessive alcohol consumption and drug abuse.“Young people, some in schools are seen to be also hooked on these issues of drugs and alcohol abuse, yet they also contribute to issues of GBV. Young people put themselves in the risk of being abused.

“We are going for the festive and what young people are seen doing is inappropriate, whereby they host end-of-year parties, book guest houses and lock themselves in these rooms to drink alcohol. As parents, we need to be mindful of such issues and the new trends that young people are doing. As parents, we are very strong in giving them money without asking them to account for the money,” she said. Dlamini went on to mention that the public also raised the issue of infertility. According to Dlamini, misconceptions and societal pressures surrounding fertility can lead to marital discord, domestic violence and even abandonment. She also highlighted that the enforcement of the Sexual Offences and Domestic Violence (SODV) Act has also been a subject of concern.

She explained that some individuals believe that the law favours women and girls and does not adequately protect men and boys. “Some have raised concerns to say, sometimes, when they try to seek services with the different forefront liners, they are never received well, instead they are made mockery of or the law is not applied to the grievance,” Dlamini said.
Furthermore, she mentioned that in their engagements with stakeholders, they shared issues of child maintenance as also a contributing factor to GBV. She stated that the issue of protection orders was also raised where it was said that, they are withdrawn easily. On the same note, she said they have seen an increase in the withdrawal of GBV cases.
“They also shared that perpetrators of GBV skip borders once their cases are reported. There is a growing tendency once they have committed some of these cases, and reported, they skip borders to our neighbouring countries,” she said.

Meanwhile, the Deputy Prime Minister, ThulisileDladla, who was represented by the Minister for Tourism and Environmental Affairs, Jane Simelane, said violence against women and girls remains alarmingly prevalent across private and public spaces, including its most extreme manifestation through gender-related killings of women and girls known as ‘femicide’.
Dladla said, recently, the country continues to witness brutal killings of women at the hands of their loved ones. “This is further confirmed by the daily headlines shared by the media.
“The government of Eswatini strongly condemns such and pleads with the nation to seek help or mediation where misunderstanding is foreseen,” Dladla said. She stated that the use of weapons and anger on women’s bodies is not the answer.

“Today, I plead with all emaSwati to unite against GBV. Let us commit to making Eswatini a safe space for women and girls. The family, as the cornerstone of society, must lead the way in instilling values of respect, dignity and equality. Homes should be spaces where children are taught that violence is never acceptable, where boys and girls alike, learn about consent, empathy and the importance of treating everyone with dignity,” she said. She stated that community leaders, educators and faith-based organisations must leverage their influence to challenge harmful norms, dismantle patriarchal systems that enable abuse and create environments where survivors feel supported rather than shamed.

awareness

She went on to state that schools and workplaces, too, have a role to play in fostering awareness and providing safe spaces for prevention and intervention.“As we observe the 16 Days of Activism, let this not merely be a campaign but a call to sustained action. We must move from awareness to tangible outcomes – creating communities where violence is condemned and equality is celebrated. Each of us has a role to play. By speaking out, supporting survivors and challenging harmful practices, we can make a difference. Together, we can break the cycle of violence and build a future where everyone, regardless of gender, lives free from fear and harm,” she said. Furthermore, she reminded the nation that their strength lies in unity and action, saying that the campaign should inspire them to go beyond the 16 days, turning these efforts into a lasting movement for change.

The United Nations (UN) Resident Coordinator George Wachira also echoed Dladla’s sentiments, saying it is impossible to escape the strong feeling of frustration at the continuing scourge of terror against our women and girls. “Our Newspapers have been awash with consistently shocking horror stories of the violence our sisters, mothers, daughters and friends continue to endure,” Wachira said. Wachira said much has been said and written, yet, little has changed and, as they launch the 16 Days campaign, it must not be one of those things they do every year simply because it is on their calendar, with little hope that anything will change.

“Instead, we must allow ourselves to be uncomfortable, even indignant. We must infuse our observances with meaning and urgency. Our calls to action must be accompanied by the right strategies, plans and resources,” he said. He mentioned that the epidemic of violence against women and girls shames humanity. He explained that no country or community is unaffected, and the situation is worsening. “Almost thirty years after the Beijing Declaration, it is beyond time to deliver on the promise to eliminate this scourge.” We must not despair at the enormity of the challenge and the slow progress. It is not as if Eswatini does not know how to go about these kinds of challenges; on the contrary, we have a tested roadmap,” Wachira stated.Furthermore, Wachira called upon every stakeholder to intensify our efforts, saying that government must lead the roll-out of the campaign, invest in prevention strategies, survivor support and legal systems that hold perpetrators accountable.

 silence

“Communities and traditional leaders must break the culture of silence and lead in challenging the harmful norms such as ‘tibi tendlu’, loosely translated as the idea that treatment of women, including violence, is a family matter that should not be made public. Violence is not a private matter; it is simply against the law,” he said. He also stated that men and boys must take the lead in promoting respect and equality. “We must not leave our boys behind but must deliberately nurture them to be the men we need in our societies. Women and girls must be empowered to raise their voices; confident they will be heard and protected,” he shared. To further amplify their message, the DPM’s Office and other stakeholders took to the streets of Mhlaleni, engaging with motorists and pedestrians. Through song, chants and eye-catching banners, they urged the public to take a stand against GBV. Messages such as ‘Stop Rape!’ and ‘There is no excuse for Gender-Based Violence’ resonated with passers-by, sparking conversations and raising awareness.

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