A STEP PARENT: THEN VS NOW

THE family structure is nothing like what it was decades ago and a lot has changed in the communities that we exist in, and although cultural influences still exist and create barriers, modernisation has definitely changed our way of thinking. There are many cultural nuances that remain stubborn in the plight of transformative thinking and mostly when it comes to males as a result of how they have been socialised to perceived familial relations as a measure of their manhood.

Liberated

On the other hand, women have also become liberated and less accepting of many norms that cultural and patriarchal norms forced down on them. What was an abomination then being normal now. I am speaking about the being a step father or a step mother train. It is inserted as jokes in many areas, however in the modern world it is a reality that raises to the highest probability with time. It is a big deal in the African culture to marry a woman that does not have a child, in fact our culture looks down on women with children so much so, that it motivates for women to leave their children behind in order to be accepted in a marital home. In the same length, men are glorified for having children outside of marriage and often force the woman that they marry to mother their children and children that come within the marriage journey.

Women have been socialised to see it as their role to mother children that come from extra marital affairs because our culture has justified this. Now, the modern world has challenged all of these ways of thinking and doing things, especially because for the longest time, women have been seen as participants of marriage and not active partners in it. This has made the patriarchal agenda thrive and push women to be okay deciding what they choose for themselves.

Safe

Women no longer want to be step mothers while men are willing to be step fathers. The irony? The fact that we have worked so hard as a society for men to be emotionally liberated, to be able to think as humans existing outside of cultural expectations. Men no longer see women as objects to function only at the capacity of their pleasure and fulfilment. As a result of this, we are able to witness many homes in which men choose to step up, marry and love women together with their children and create safe environments for women to blossom in the institution of marriage. Men have generally become comfortable letting go of the ideas that our grandparents did, they are with time breaking the norms and unsettling barriers to exist without having to constantly prove their manhood.

The reason why cultural nuances thrived in society is because of how society weaponised them for men, making everything a point of measurement for the men who does not want to be any less among other men. As soon as society started to redefine what manhood is, so did the cultural norms that men follow start to change and this has created room for so many happy and peaceful homes to grow, where women are able to speak up, and where men are able to decide to love women fully, and where children get to have happy and healthy homes.
What African culture thought was right, often left out of the picture the child’s wellbeing, and anything that fails to account for the child surely cannot be well and good.

Raising

A man would be perceived as an embarrassment if he chooses to love his wife’s child and would in fact be insulted for raising another man’s child a few years ago, but today a man who chooses to love a woman with their child is applauded for stepping up. A woman before, would begrudgingly leave their child behind for the sake of marriage and today, a woman will fight for their child even if it means abandoning a relationship that fails to accommodate what they come with. This is to say that liberation can exist in different ways and both these scenarios are an example of a liberated society.

In the same wave length, the poor PR that women have gained as a result of the old society that made step mothers a horrible species has changed because step mothers that exist now are loving, caring and fulfil motherhood above and beyond, because they stay with men that meet them halfway, making it easier to love their children. How could a woman who is not allowed room to love her own children be able to love another woman’s children in her house? The new world has changed what it is to be a step parent.

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