The day the bride' left her wedding gown'

(Guest writer)

It’s always nice to be back writing in this famous or is it infamous page and right here kule-column loved by many, hated by the few naughty ones and yes, ngisho yona i-Shwashwaza. So, you know by now kutsi mine I only come in when there are formal football events and indeed phela last week the invitation Gatjedze wavele washeshe wayishiya etukwe li-desk and I picked a very beautiful dress for the event. From the moment I heard kutsi the Minister of Sports, Culture and Youth affairs, Hlobisile Ndlovu would not attend, I didn’t need to have any Panado to assuage my headache (LOL!) kutsi ngitogcokani because lo-minister loyo hhayi unginika i-competition when it comes to the dress code.

Besides kutsi I am a Highlanders person at heart, I found it cumbersome to attend an event where our sworn enemies were to be cro-wned. Pho-ke, i-job yi-job.

I was utterly disappointed ke kutsi since phela the invitation card signed by the new PLS Brand Manager, Nqobile Magagula (who needs no introduction) had stated clearly kutsi this was going to be a ‘black tie’ event, I wore my LBD le-black phela ngitsi ngihamba nale-theme kantsi ngiyadlala nje. Only Umlangeni stuck to the theme with a stylish black Armani suit, white shirt and black tie and quickly boasted kutsi yena he is dressed in "my Orlando Pirates best". Hehehehehehe… I gave her a wink nakangena ngasho ngatsi ‘Up the Bucs’. Umlangeni came with his crew ngisho bonso-ndondzima mine (larger-than-life Ntiwane, the humongous Gatjed-ze sekungulo-Ntuthuko nje ku-phela loncama).

Besides le-dress code theme not being followed, I was saddened by the fact that the event started well over an hour and half late. Whosoever came with the idiom kutsi ‘there is no hurry in Swaziland’ or ‘Swazi time’ needs to be shot on sight.

Flying with the Birds… hehehe-hehe. Talking of the ‘Birds’ I must say I very much abhor people who attend such formal functions wearing training gear or ema-jersey ebhola. So you cannot imagine my disgust when I saw Swallows players wearing the same tracksuits they had worn le-stadium ku-Cup final. I have said it here time and again – even against my own team, ‘Inkunzi’ – kutsi teams must stop the habit of wearing tracksuits to formal events. It’s so 1970s.

It lacks class, style and it undermines the occasion itself. If money is a problem, they can rent out some suits so they can look the part. We have seen other teams like Green Mamba wearing suits, Sundowns as well.

That’s the way to go. For Swallows, a team I have always admired for leading the way nekuba ne-class nje, I was disappointed kakhulu. They looked like the bride who had left home her wedding gown, so to speak!

While the team officials looked good in their navy blue suits, red and white stripped ties, the players wore the same tracksuits labawacata le-Mbombela nge preseason. Hhayi Swallows it’s so unlike you. I even thought kube bamane beta bavunu-lile to the event!

Jealous down she handled the event well and chose her words perfectly, especially when she emphasised the importance of football in our lives and for the sponsors.

"Soccer is the right medium to reach the masses," she said.

Nice quote shem Nqobi, but ke wangibulala ngeluhleko Suthu nasatsi, she hopes even next year sitabe silapha e-Convention Centre celebrating with Swallows again. Hawu? Naye she flies with the ‘Birds’? hmmmmmmmm…I will ask the Shwashwaza Sports Crew to investigate this one ngoba mine ngimati ku-Rovers shem.

My best moment phela of the night (I could sense it was coming because phela Minister Winnie ngu-Make wakhe and Swallows captain, Zidane is her baby daddy) was when ‘Suthu’ announced that the minister must hand over the trophy to the Swallows captain. Hehehehehehehehehe!

Like the modest person he is wa-Shongwe, his speech reflected just that. Straight to the point, but he did throw a joke, making fun of his work-mate Mashampolo, when he said: We have all played football ngaphandle kwa-Mashampolo!). Nice one Mtimandze. Charles Ndlovu yena ke wake wayidlala yini? I asked myself (though I heard kutsi bambona ayicosha kule original Cup final yale-tournament ka-Somhlolo and I missed the rare opportunity to take a video). He assured the soccer loving nation kutsi bona ba-Liposi they will continue supporting the people’s game even next year inkhosi mayivuma! Hey, kuletinkinga letikhona vele setidzinga i-divine intervention Mtimandze ngoba nawe awati kutsi utawu-actor sikhatsi lesinganani. Le-SPTC vele sekwabase Hollywood!

As it is becoming the norm, PLS Executive Committee member, Peter ‘Touch’ Magagula spoke on behalf of the chairman, Victor Gamedze lobekahleli ku-first table just next to ‘Bomber’ Mthethwa. ‘Touch’ had me in stitches nakatsi le-tournament had a bonus of two Cup finals. Heh-ehehehehe… maye ‘Touch’, I said to myself, awukhulumi ngani nje liciniso ‘Touch because uyalati. Anyway, ‘Touch’ shem was delivering a report because that was not a speech. But thanks ‘Touch’ for acknowledging the contribution made by the late Busi Dlamini noma nje sekungu-two weeks after her death.

The FA president is an eloquent speaker. I like him a lot and he started on a good footing vele remind us of his usual story yekutsi Robert Magongo, who was in attendance, used to carry soccer boots for him. When he told the story sekutsi bona basakhula bebabatfusa ngale-colour le-red, I said there is another Highlanders person through and through like myself. Gwaza Nkunzi…even though these days its more like Gwazwa Nkunzi.

 He said if Victor continues to win all trophies, yena ngeke aseta because he wants to see ‘black and white’. Hehehehehehe! He did a commendable thing when he gave Babe Ntiwane (father to the larger-than-life sports scribe) an FA suit. Now that was a touching moment Nyambose! You made my night. Siyabonga naku-Zosha, who came dressed in his "Swallows best" for the event. Yize Bekhala Yize Belila (I can’t believe this is me a Highlanders person saying this).

When the PS, Sicelo Dlamini, introduced the minister, Winnie Maga-gula wavele wacala ngeku acknowledge the presence of Motshane MP Robert Magongo and even said nakangete asho kutsi ukhona, he had no ide what would happen to him. I said to myself: "kungalandzela i-vote of no confidence Nkhosi!) Then the minister took over.

What should I say that has not been said about our own song bird ‘Zaza’? Girl, you rock shem. You made my night, but try to sing your songs more rather than tingoma tebantfu. Tsine we appreciate your own music.

The mesmerising dance by Minister Winnie Magagula and acting SPTC MD, Phumelele Shongwe nicely captured exclusively in the Times of Swaziland the next day, was my highlight of the night. I didn’t know phela kutsi minister Winnie can dance up a storm. Move over Thembi ku-Jika Majika…we have a new host in the House. Now that was a perfect JVA jive….Fixed and dongled, so to speak! I truly enjoyed myself. When is the next formal football event ye-Gatjedze? Please, bring it on!

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