MEN ARE VICTIMS OF GBV TOO

DOMESTIC violence is often portrayed as a gendered crime, typically perpetrated by men against women. Yet, the startling revelations in both statistics and conversations indicate that men are just as much victims of domestic violence as women.

Men can be direct victims of gender-based violence, and they can also be secondary victims of domestic violence, especially if they witness it at home while growing up. According to reports, one in three victims of domestic violence is a man. Despite representing such a significant proportion of victims, men have often stated that they are silenced by the hostility and incredulity they encounter when opening up about their experiences to the police and safeguarding services.

Complain

Victims of domestic violence, both men and women, have complained and continue to complain about the police when reporting GBV, and this is one of the main reasons why they choose to suffer in silence, albeit to their own detriment. The social stigma surrounding domestic abuse is even stronger when the victim is a man and the perpetrator is a woman. In the community, a man who is being abused by his wife is ridiculed; no one takes him seriously, let alone offers him help. He finds it awkward to participate fully in community activities.
He isolates himself and always presents a sad and uncomfortable front. He will neither speak out in public, nor make suggestions for leadership, because how can he do that if he cannot lead his own home? The lack of empathy and support for men as victims of abuse is a serious concern.

Reflection

Social media is a true reflection and indication of how people really feel about men as victims. You will find people reacting with laughing emojis or praising the woman perpetrator in the comments section, wherever articles about incidents are shared. Both men and women are guilty of minimising this atrocity because they equally think it is funny or some kind of game, keeping score with comments like ‘men 0 - women 10’. While this may be amusing to them, it has truly detrimental consequences. There are many missed opportunities to identify and support male victims of domestic abuse, as few understand the issue, and it seems no one is willing to view men as victims. It will take considerable effort to even convince men, the actual victims, to take abuse against them seriously due to the aforementioned stigma.

Additionally, many men do not believe that some of the things that happen to them are wrong or constitute abuse. For example, many men find it hard to believe that they can be raped too. They think that if a man does not want sex, then it is a missed opportunity, which makes him foolish. Such a mentality complicates the issue of rape among men. The only time it becomes a crime is when another man commits it against a man; only then will they view it as rape. One of the reasons this is difficult to address is that most of these domestic violence-related crimes have been classified and portrayed as ‘crimes normally committed against women.’

Stigma

Therefore, if it happens to a man, he will immediately feel the stigma of having suffered what would typically be experienced by women before he sees it as a crime against himself. Even those who are supposed to support and help him may not be given permission to do so by him because he feels that ‘as a man, he should be able to handle his affairs.’ Unfortunately, the way he decides to handle it may lead him to literal jail time, as he might resort to harming his perpetrator. With proper training, increased funding, and reduced prejudice, we could de-stigmatise views of male victims of domestic abuse and provide much-needed support to those subjected to this violent humiliation.  The police need to be more welcoming and understanding of men as victims, and the rest of the service providers require training on how to handle such reports without making the victim feel awkward and re-victimised.

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