THE ROOT CAUSES OF PASSION KILLINGS

It seems like it never rains but pours for women in the country. If it’s not a story about how she was raped, sometimes by multiple men, it will be a story about how she was killed by her partner. The other day there was a story about how cheating suspicions led to yet another woman’s death.

Passion killings, often characterised by strong emotions such as jealousy, rage or betrayal, typically occur in intimate relationships and are prompted by a sudden and intense emotional reaction. These heinous acts raise critical questions about the underlying factors that contribute to such extreme responses. Understanding the root causes of passion killings is essential for developing effective prevention strategies, promoting mental health awareness, and fostering healthier relationship dynamics. Both the perpetrator and the victims need to understand this in order to prevent any further slaying of our sisters in the name of love.

How do you know when to bail out of a relationship that has a potential to end up in a tragedy? Individuals with a history of emotional instability may be more prone to violent reactions. So, if you are in a relationship with a man that you know is a woman beater, or has beat you up before, you are definitely at a higher risk of ending up being counted as a statistic. The red flags that everyone so casually talks about are actually real and need to be taken seriously. Another way to know if a relationship might be dangerous for you is when your partner has a strange attachment style.

Attachment can come in many forms, some of the indicators can be someone who suddenly has no friends and you become their only friend. They start wanting to spend all their free time with you, demanding to know what you are doing and who you are with when you are not with them. This can double as a form of control as well. But it has many elements of wanting to attach in a very toxic way to the person you are in a relationship with.

Escalate

Unhealthy attachment can lead to heightened jealousy and possessiveness, which may escalate to violence when threats to the relationship are perceived. That is how ‘if I can’t have you, then no one else can,’ threats are born and lead to that partner hurting the other. Societal expectations surrounding masculinity and femininity can play a pivotal role in shaping perceptions of relationships. In cultures that promote male dominance and female subservience, the pressure to control or retaliate against perceived infidelity may lead to violent outcomes. In our context, for example, it has been normalised for a man to cheat on his partner, have multiple partners and it doesn’t mater if the women find out or not.

It is a ‘man thing’, so they say. Trouble starts when the roles are reversed. Infidelity is excused if it comes from a man in our culture, but it is punishable by death if a woman does it. One of the things people talk about during the ‘getting to know each other’ stage is how they value communication and that they want a partner who is a good communicator. But when it comes to actual practice, this changes a great deal. And as such, patterns of conflict within a relationship can set the stage for violence.

Culture

A history of unresolved arguments, betrayal or previous threats of violence may escalate tension and lead to a breaking point. This can also be attributed to our culture too because culturally a woman is not supposed to ask a man where he is or where he is coming from when he gets home. This leads to the tension that I am talking about because at some point the person who is bottling things up will one day explode and this may lead to an explosive and violent confrontation. It is important that when you get to know someone, you ask the important questions.

Never mind about their favourite colour or best vacation experience. Ask them about their history and what they think about gender-based violence. Individuals who grow up in violent environments or communities may normalise aggressive behaviour as a conflict resolution strategy. This cycle of violence can perpetuate the likelihood of passion killings in future generations. For example, someone who grew up or lives at Mbhuleni in Matsapha is most likely going to be violent as compared to someone living elsewhere. The characteristics of the place play a role in their upbringing and that should never be taken lightly.

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