Where is he?

They say that there is a man, who has a vision, a vision to lead and pave a way for his generation.

He wants and has to guide, protect, provide and lead his household and all I have to do is help him build and see the vision for his household to come to fruition.

A woman is to provide help and to compliment her man. I am a partner, it sounds uncool, he leads, and I help him lead.

There is a possibility that we do take our roles for granted.

At our rainbow fellowship last Monday the role of a woman arose in discussion, and I was surprised, how most of us had a hard time, accepting the submission role.

I remember how I flinched when I heard that a man must have the last word in a home.

After all has been said and done he is the one that will have the final word, the verdict if you want.

The truth of the matter is that whether you like it or not if you want to be at peace, and to prosper, you must do things according to the principles that were laid out for you, and as long as you are out of alignment , you will never be truly happy.

Those who are married, can actually agree with me that half of the time issues in marriage arise because the other one clearly doesn’t know their role in the family or they just choose to be rebellious and do things their way, and put the ship at risk of sinking.

Others don’t even know what their roles are, my father was saying on Monday that there is so a possibility that some people have been influenced by social institutions such that even their thinking towards love and relationships is clearly based on what they have seen and now perceive it as the right thing.

A friend of mine came to discuss an article I had written on the companion mindset, I guess he was just like many of the column readers provoked.

We spent so much time talking about the same thing at the end of it all, we were agreeing. We just want the same things, peace.

It’s gone past the flirting, he said that all the things I wrote about, he wants them from a woman.

Isn’t that amazing, I personally never thought men want to be wanted, that they actually do want to be wanted, just like we do. They want to be appreciated just like we do. Well there you go, as women we always expect the man, to do it all. We kind of expect him to continuously call even after you have hooked up, come on, once you say yes to the deal, its time to deliver as well.

Call him, text him, you want happiness, make him happy, you want peace, be at peace and everything about you will be peaceful. I had to talk to a few of my brothers about their expectations of the World Cup and really we just don’t get it as women sometimes, it’s football season not felony, its not time to cause a scene, its time to enjoy soccer and unfortunately this is the time where most fights erupt, in relationships, over the remote control.

Okay, personally I think we should cut the guys some slack this season, instead of fighting for the remote, come home, cook early, and get your own vuvuzela and join the party, even if you don’t understand a thing just sit, there and keep quite.

If you don’t want that, please grab a book and head for the bedroom.

That’s if you want your man in the house during this season because if you shout, nag, and want his attention all the time he will go out and watch the games with the guys somewhere else.

I don’t really think its fair sometimes when we don’t support each other over the things that the one really enjoys, please do not make the same mistake over and over again, let the guy be a guy.

Sometimes we get to a point in our minds when we just analyze things too much. The brother would just say he is going out to watch football but in your mind you will be thinking aha , you going to see her again, yet you won’t tell him that.

Seriously he doesn’t even know what you are thinking and by the time he gets home you will be so angry, not because of him, but because in your mind he was somewhere else and your analysis will not match the reality of things.

Whenever you are about to analyse a scenario, be quick to consider the facts of the matter.

At some point in my life I was clouded by a feeling of things not working out because I was going to mess it up again, in words by Iyanla Vanzant when you start to remember who you were, you become sensitive about who you are.

You may begin to doubt your ability to go any further.You may even doubt whether you have the right to go any further.

I have at one time or another doubted myself, doubt is a common side effect of remembering.

It is human nature to assess what we can do according to what we have done. When I didn’t do well yesterday, I was afraid of making the same mistake again, at this pointing in my life, however, I realise that if I don’t remember what I did I cannot do anything differently.

If I don’t pay attention to the details of my actions, I will do the same things over an over out of habit and I know I don’t want to do that anymore, if that means I must search every corner of my life until I understand what I do that gets me into places in my mind I don’t want to be, I mean I’m there again it has to work this time.

When I met Michael in Pit-lochry it was different, you see I had never met someone who was prepared to willingly stay apart like long distance apart until what he said the right time for us to do the right thing.

He left and I stayed in Pitlochry while he lived in Stevenage which was seriously miles and airplanes away from me.

A day and nights drive, but over months he would drive up to see me, and he would call more than five times a day.

When he met me he said I was pure, I couldn’t understand that at first but later I recall that he was calling out of me what he wanted to see, and what he believed.

I had never seen such perseverance and consistency that was in his life. He wanted to do things right.

I on the other hand was too self conscious, if there is anyone who was too much, it was me.

I remember that we were doing well apart, apparently his idea of doing things right was working until he invited me for a wedding as his date. I came to his world and for the first time and as I there I was busy analysing things, drawing conclusions, and scouting for his exes, well you know women do that.

He really was shocked at this behaviour, seeing that when he actually got me from Luton airport he had been so overjoyed.

In a nutshell we can mess things by over thinking and critising. If there is a joy killer it is the ghost that we fight in our minds.

Until you actually see a thing it is non existent.

Stop fighting the past and some things that don’t matter really because living in the past will always steal your joy and your man.

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