Survival of the horniest

Over the weekend, I stumbled across an old recording of the hit TV comedy series that trades under the style; Children say the darndest things.

The programme, hosted by celebrated comedian Bill Cosby, takes a Talk Show format where he asks children questions on anything under the sun. The children are usually below the age of 10.
It is their responses that often makes one want to never miss an episode. It was while I was watching the recording that I was suddenly reminded of some of the submissions made by our legislators. Some have the propensity to say things you would never expect in a million years.
Earlier, I had read a report of the Senate portfolio committee of the Justice and Constitutional Affairs ministry on the budget and annual performance debate when these thoughts came to mind.
Perusing the report, I came across a question posed by an unnamed senator who had asked Justice Minister Ndumiso Mamba if citizens in conflict with the law, (commonly referred to as convicts) were supplied with condoms during their stay in prison.

Since, I wasn’t there when the question was posed, I can only imagine what Mamba’s reaction to the question was. My first reaction was to laugh and that is when children say the darndest things came to mind. You see, children, particularly those below 10 years, do not have an editing mechanism between their brains and their mouths. They just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.
If I had known who posed this question, I would have loved to know the motivation behind the question. Since the reasoning behind is not mentioned in the report, I am going to assume that the condoms are to help the prisoners when having sex.
Then the question is: with whom? Criminals are usually locked up according to their sexes and, at the risk of sounding homophobic; intercourse between the same sexes would be an unholy union. Besides, what is the use of keeping somebody in jail and then also affording him (or her) the same benefits as the rest of the law-abiding citizens? Maybe I will change my mind about this point should I also be incarcerated but until then, let us stick to this argument.
Imagine what this situation, were it to be allowed, would lead to. On top of condoms, the jailbirds would start demanding lubricants to go with the condoms. Female prisoners at Mawelawela would also demand vibrators, dildoes and all the other prerequisite gadgets used in lovemaking by women.
Soon, there would be hunger strikes and protests over added hours to engage in the carnal activities because, as far as I can tell, there would have to be time to be allocated for such projects. Fights over ‘girlfriends’ would be a common feature. And as we all know, Yemadvodza ayipheli (men’s fights take long to resolve), some prisoners would only be helped by the end of their prison terms. It would be survival of the horniest.

But seriously though, do we need this. Even if the argument is that this is to prevent transmission of sexually transmitted illnesses in the event there is rape among the prisoners, I am yet to hear of a rape case where the perpetrator used a condom. In any event, the last time I heard, anal intercourse was still a crime in the country (I’m referring to males here). So, what are the condoms for really?

For the record, the minister’s response was that there were no condoms for prisoners.
This submission reminded me of a suggestion made by Sigwe MP Sivumelwano Nxumalo who asked Finance Minister Majozi Sithole to consider reducing the price of liquor. While this might earn him points among the imbibing sector of the electorate, I am worried about the nation we would be breeding should this be allowed.
His argument was that this would save money, as hardcore drinkers would now spend most of their income on booze and cigarettes instead of serving their families’ needs.

I beg to differ. You can never discourage the abuse of something by making it easily available. In this age where girls are drinking like their fathers, imagine the situation we would find ourselves in. Already, this nation is ranked among the highest consumers of alcohol and believe me this is not a compliment.
Such suggestions should not even be entertained because by the look of things, we might soon be listening to a debate where a legislator has moved a motion calling upon government to subsidise the price of alcohol. All those in favour say ‘aye’.

Very soon the Minister of Natural Resources will be asked to answer why the sun rises from the East. Be patient and let me explain. On Thursday, Siteki (Lugongolweni) MP Joseph Souza asked Ntuthuko Dlamini, the Public Works and Transport Minister, to assure residents of Siteki and surrounding areas that the under-construction airport at Sikhuphe will not mess up with the scarce rain in that area.

Apparently, there is a belief (I’m not sure whether by Souza or the residents in his area) that when airplanes are flying during a cloudy weather, they ‘chase’ the rainfall away. So with the current drought engulfing the country, particularly the lowveld where Siteki is, rainfall would soon be a thing of the past. What a pity! The Minister of Agriculture Clement Dlamini should rush to Siteki and construct as many dams as possible before the airport starts operating.
Finance Minister Majozi Sithole was in Parliament this week seeking permission from the legislators to borrow over half a billion Emalangeni for the construction and tarring of two roads in the country. One will be in the Lubombo region while the other shall be in the Shiselweni region.
Personally, I have no problem with development projects but what worried me was the reaction of some of the legislators when it was time to debate the minister’s preamble. Instead of debating the issue at hand, our Members of Parliament (not all of them) rushed to ask the minister when roads are going to be constructed in their areas.

Lubulini MP Timothy Myeni was the first to jump into this wagon and specifically pointed at dirt roads in his constituency. The intervention of Nkwene MP Sotja Dladla and the Speaker, Prince Guduza saved the day.
However, their colleagues were back doing the same thing the following day.
Hosea MP Mduduzi Mabuza made a direct plea to the minister to ‘remember’ them when a budget for the next road project is available.

The same thing has previously occurred in Senate where former MP Themba Msibi wanted boreholes drilled at Ngudzeni despite the fact that the debate was about providing water all over the rural areas of the kingdom. The issue was trying to find the best way of satisfying the water needs of the rural folk.
This is caused by what multi-partism proponents have always complained about. You see, in multi-party democracy, representatives in Parliament usually push their party’s manifestos and policies, which are usually targeted at the whole nation. So, there is usually no need for one to ask for water for Msunduza, Mahlanya, etc. That is the job of the government and if such a need exists, there are people who then approach the relevant government agencies to solve the crisis.

I can understand though what motivates our Parliamentarians to behave this way. This is due to the way they are elected. During campaigns, they often promise the electorate a number of projects. Roads are the promise of choice. You would think the country was still using the old mode of transport (sled-sihliphi) and people travel through bushes with no roads whatsoever.

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