Church is supposed to be a place of healing. A safe space. A family. But sometimes, if we are honest, church is where some of the deepest wounds are formed. And sadly, those wounds are often caused not by strangers, but by our brothers and sisters in Christ. Church hurt, the pain caused by members or leaders of the church, can be one of the most difficult wounds to heal. It cuts deeply because it happens in the place where we expect to experience the love of God most tangibly. This is not to blame or accuse, but to bring awareness. Because only when we see the pain can we begin to heal it. I have seen it. I have felt it. And maybe you have too.
Sometimes we forget the power of our words.
A small comment said in passing ‘So and so always sings too loudly’ or ‘Did you see what she was wearing today?’ those words can echo in someone’s heart long after even church is over. We tend to judge people’s outfits, how the talk, their background or even their past sins. And often, we tend hide this behind spiritual language. Proverbs 18:21 says: “The tongue has the power of life and death.” We need to be honest with ourselves, are we building or destroying other children of God with our words?
As bazalwane we gather under the house of the Lord, but not everyone feels truly welcomed. The popular ones sit together. The youth with the nice fashionable clothes gets to be the ones in the praise team. The quiet girl gets left behind. The ones who used to drink or fell pregnant are watched with suspicion. Yet, we say the church is for everyone, everyone is welcome, but do we really make space for everyone? The Book of Romans 15: 7 encourages us to ‘accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you.’ To a true believer of Christ, that should mean stepping outside of your comfort zones to show real love to others no matter what.
And then there is spiritual pride. Sometimes we measure other people’s worth by how loudly they pray or how many verses they quote during that prayer or their ability to speak in tongues. We forget that faith is a journey. Some people are still crawling in their journey of faith while others are running. And that is okay. It is not anybody’s job to rank each other. But it is our job to walk alongside each other and help each other while we walk the journey. In Galatians 6:1 the Bible says: “If someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.” It says gently, not with gossip and not with condemnation. Who are you to judge?
There are a many people who carry silent pain from moments where church did not feel safe. But as children of God, we also carry strength. And maybe, by speaking about it and addressing it with love and honesty, there can be a shift, or a change and more people can start to feel like they belong in the church.
God has called us be the ones who choose kindness over criticism. Inclusion over groups. Healing over harshness. Because church should not hurt. Church should heal.
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