At some point in our personal or professional lives, we may notice someone we know or care about slowly isolating or slowly ‘no longer being themselves.’ While we may see some concerning changes, we may hesitate due to a fear of saying the wrong thing or making things worse. The opposite is true, asking with empathy and care may save a life. Clinical training is not needed for the general populace in this regard, only kindness and a willingness to listen.
Some changes that may indicate possible distress include, but are not limited to:
- Social withdrawal.
- Loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities.
- Stressful triggers such as debt, the end of a romantic relationship, illness or problems at work/school/in the family.
The presence of the above symptoms does not automatically mean that a person is suicidal, but they are most certainly invitations for a check in.
To start the conversation, choose a quiet moment and ask one or two questions such as: ‘Uphilile? Ngibona ngatsi sow’hlala uthulile.’
“I just wanted to check in on you. I notice that you haven’t been yourself lately.”It’s preferable to take this non-judgemental approach and to avoid dismissive statements such as “You’re being so dramatic” or “You’re acting strange. Cut it out.” When someone opens up, your role is not to fix – but to listen. What is needed at that point is presence and not perfection. Helpful listening looks like listening quietly, staying calm and not rushing to lectures such as ‘Others have bigger problems’ or ‘Think about your family.’
Such statements only worsen an already unhealthy sense of being that birthed suicidality. You may then encourage them to seek medical help at their clinic, hospital or family doctor.
In those instances when the person does not open up, let them know that they are not alone and that they can reach out to you. In the interim small gestures may be helpful, such as:
- Staying connected through messages, calls or visits.
- Helping with tasks.
- Ongoing encouragement to seek medical help.
- Suicide’s prevalence is increasing, thus demanding a response from everyone – at all levels of society.
- Specialist Profile
Dr GS Matsebula is a Specialist Psychiatrist currently based in private practice at Akeso Randburg (RSA) and Ekuphileni Medical Centre (Mbabane, eSwatini). He is also a public speaker and mental health activist, and regularly speaks on several platforms including media, public events and academic settings. To book an appointment call or WhatsApp 7602 3380. Send an email to info@drmatsebula.co.za.
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