If you are a parent on social media, it’s very likely you have been bombarded with content about gentle parenting. It’s become somewhat of a buzzword adopted by numerous parenting influencers online and a source of heated debate among parents and non-parents alike.
“Gentle parenting has gained popularity in recent years because it aligns with modern research on child development and emotional well-being,” said Chioma Fanawopo, a parent and teen coach.
“In a world where mental health awareness is growing, many parents are drawn to its principles, which aim to raise emotionally secure and resilient children.”
However, if gentle parenting feels hard for you, you are not alone. For parents like Fanawopo, a mother raising teenage boys, gentle parenting can feel counterintuitive and culturally challenging.
“In many African cultures, children are traditionally expected to be ‘seen and not heard,’” she said.
“Obedience and compliance are often valued above self-expression. When children push boundaries or seem defiant, it can leave parents feeling frustrated and questioning their approach.”
“It is also evidence-based,” points out Lauren O’Carroll, a Parenting Coach, who specialises in working with people with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
The challenges of gentle parenting don’t stop at cultural expectations. Parenting is influenced by many factors, Fanawopo said, including:
- The child’s personality- Some children are naturally strong-willed or highly sensitive, both of which can test a parent’s patience.
- The parent’s personality- A parent’s own temperament triggers and stress levels play a big role in how they respond to their child.
- Environmental stress – Work pressures, financial struggles or a lack of support can make it harder to parent calmly.
O’Carroll highlighted several other factors that can make it hard to put gentle parenting into practice. Some of the key barriers include:
- Parenting in the heat of the moment: When your child is refusing to listen, having a tantrum or defying limits, staying calm and regulated can feel nearly impossible, especially if you’re already overwhelmed, tired or triggered yourself.
- A parent’s neurodiversity: Parents with ADHD, anxiety or high emotional sensitivity may find it hard to model the self-regulation gentle parenting requires. Impulsivity and emotional reactivity can make calm responses challenging. “For parents like me, who have ADHD, this challenge is compounded when parenting neurodivergent children, as they often need even more co-regulation,” said O’Carroll. “This is exactly why I do what I do as an ADHD parenting coach, because while I know how hard it is to gentle parent with ADHD, I also know it’s possible.”
- Parent’s own upbringing: Parents raised in authoritarian or neglectful households may struggle to break away from ingrained beliefs about discipline and respect. Without a personal template for gentleness, creating new patterns can feel like swimming against the tide.
Plus, one key aspect of gentle parenting is knowing how to apologise when you’re wrong and giving your child a voice, Fanawopo noted. “For many of us apologising to children wasn’t modelled by our own parents,” she added. “Teaching children how to handle conflict and own their mistakes starts with us.”
In the end, no matter what parenting approach you take, it’s going to require work. “Ultimately, the goal is to raise children who are confident, respectful and emotionally intelligent,” added Fanawopo.
“This requires patience, adaptability and self-awareness from us as parents.”
Leave a comment