Madam,
In Eswatini, walking away from a marriage can feel like standing trial before society. Before a person has had time to process the end of a relationship, social media trolls are already passing judgment, making assumptions and turning someone’s private pain into public entertainment. For those who have chosen to leave for the sake of their sanity, the cruelty can be unbearable. Yet, despite the noise, there is life after divorce.
We must understand that people do not always leave marriages because they have stopped believing in love. Some leave because they have spent years trying to make things work. They have prayed, forgiven, compromised and hoped for change, sometimes at the expense of their own happiness and emotional well-being. Eventually, they reach a point where staying costs them more than leaving.
Sadly, society often celebrates marriage without acknowledging the suffering some people endure to preserve it. A divorced person becomes the subject of gossip, speculation and unsolicited advice. Questions about who cheated, who failed and who abandoned whom become more important than the emotional wounds left behind. Social media makes matters worse, allowing strangers to mock people whose struggles they know nothing about.
A person’s separation becomes a public spectacle. People dissect photographs, interpret social media posts and make jokes about someone’s new beginning. Some even use children, financial circumstances or past mistakes to humiliate those who are already trying to put their lives back together. Behind every comment is a human being who may be struggling to find the strength to face another day.
But who are we to decide how long another person must suffer to prove commitment? Nobody knows the private battles fought behind closed doors. What appears to be a failed marriage to outsiders may represent someone’s courageous decision to reclaim their peace, dignity and identity.
This is not an argument that marriage should be abandoned whenever challenges arise. Marriage requires patience, communication, forgiveness and commitment from both partners. Where problems can be resolved safely and both parties are willing to make genuine changes, reconciliation deserves a chance. However, there is a difference between working through ordinary marital difficulties and remaining in a relationship that repeatedly damages one’s emotional, psychological or physical well-being.
No one should be pressured to remain in an abusive or deeply harmful marriage simply because relatives fear embarrassment, the church wants the couple to stay together or society considers divorce shameful. Faith should offer hope and support, not become a weapon used to silence someone who is suffering.
Children are often brought into these debates as though keeping two parents under one roof is the only measure of a successful family. Children certainly need love, stability and responsible parenting. However, constant hostility, violence and emotional distress can also affect them deeply. Parents who separate can still work together to raise children with love, respect and a sense of security. Divorce does not automatically make someone a bad parent.
To those who have walked away, the journey ahead may not be easy. There may be lonely evenings, financial difficulties, the challenge of co-parenting and moments when memories make you question your decision. Starting over after years of building a life with someone can be frightening. You may have to rediscover yourself, rebuild your confidence and learn to enjoy life without the person you once imagined growing old with.
Permit yourself to heal. You do not have to prove to social media that you are happy. You do not need to post pictures of a new relationship, expensive purchases or smiling moments to convince people that you are doing well. Healing is not a competition and rebuilding your life does not require an audience.
To the trolls, remember that today’s entertainment may be someone else’s deepest pain. The person you ridicule could be your sister, brother, friend or child tomorrow. A little compassion costs nothing, but cruel words can leave wounds that take years to heal.
Eswatini must learn to stop treating divorce as a permanent stain on a person’s character. Marriage deserves respect, but so does the person who walks away when staying becomes unbearable. A wedding ring is not a measure of someone’s worth and a divorce certificate does not erase their dignity.
To everyone rebuilding their lives after divorce, do not allow society’s judgment to convince you that your story has ended. You are allowed to laugh again, dream again, love again and find peace again. Despite the trolls, the gossip and the shame others try to impose on you, there is life after divorce. Sometimes, walking away is not the end of a beautiful life, but the beginning of finding yourself again.
Sizwe Mdluli
