Madam,
We live in a time where a majority believe in the cost and benefit theory. They do not stop at only believing in it, but they also go on to live based on it. Gone are the days where people genuinely created friendships with the sole intention of wanting to socialise and learn from others. Friends have become parasites. They live off people’s blood and sweat. Can one confidently attest to friendship being a blessing without pinpointing any negativity?
It remains an undeniable fact that an umpteen now live at their workplaces and schools more than in their homes and that is due to obvious reasons. Oftentimes, we form informal groups, get attached to people we will spend our spare time with while in those institutions. There is nothing wrong with that; in fact, it is highly commendable because it builds a home away from home. But is it really worth it? From general observation, people are quick to ask for help they never offer. It has become very easy to borrow money from a ‘colleague friend’, but quite hard to do the same in his time of need. We tend to feel entitled to our friends’ help, but fail just to show genuine appreciation, all in the name of ‘that’s what friends are for’. When we know we will not be able to pay back loans from friends, we do not explain anything until we have been asked or reminded about the payment. Friends are meant to be understanding, so we assume; hence that is why we have a tendency not to bother ourselves to explain in time that we will not be able to stick to arrangements we had talked about prior, yet communication is not key only in work environments and romantic relationships, but it is also fundamental everywhere!
Some people do not reciprocate the energy given to them. True, people are kind in their own way. But how does it feel when you are the one who is asking for help, but never willing to help? How does it feel when you are the one always asking for help? How does it feel when you treat one friend differently from the other? And it is always the friend you treat unfairly that feels the pinch of helping out in one’s time of need. No one wants to hear this, but being kind is not a ticket to being liked; it is a path to being used. The kindest in the room are taken advantage of; always remember that.
The Messiah was mocked by his crucifiers— he was told to save Himself. According to the Word, He was extremely weak when this instruction was given to Him. Again, the Word tells us that ‘Nothing is impossible with God’. The Messiah was God’s Son, but saving Jesus at this point was not done because God had a plan of showing His greatness by resurrecting Him after three days. We are not Jesus, however. God’s plan for us is different from the one He had for His only begotten Son. Through Christ’s death, we were given the power to defend ourselves. So now, we all have a duty to speak up in our friendships should we notice that things do not happen according to how they should. It does not matter how small something is; if it does not sit well with you, say it otherwise; you will be trampled on until you die and unlike the Messiah, you will not rise again!
I normally say, there is no word as hard as ‘No’ to say, but for the sake of protecting yourself from toxicity, learn to say it. Also, learn to change your ‘Yes’ into a ‘No’ when things transition from sweetness to bitterness in your friendship. A simple two-letter word can save you from lifetime suffering.
Siyanda Owami Mzolo
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